lioness in the lion city

asian trekker for a couple of weeks (part 1)

2007-05-21T14:37:00.000+08:00

The joy of being fresh out of work and being officially in-between jobs! I know this is short-lived but I'm hoping my sideline businesses will cover my expenses for the next weeks haha.

I took advantage of this period to travel a bit. So from here in Singapore my friends and I took a road trip to Kuala Lumpur. I've lived here for almost 3 years now but I never got the chance to make my way to have my photo taken with the famous Petronas Towers haha.

We stayed in this backpackers' hostel named Guest Havenhouse which is highly recommended for its cleanliness (as it is still relatively new), good service (they actually clean up your room when you are away!) and one of it's part-owners is hot! Wahahahaha. The morning with the ol' Petronas Towers was cool but aside from that KL -- for me -- isn't a place that I would go back to soon. Or ever? Nothing much to do. The food is good, the shopping is mediocre. The supposedly tourist attraction Central Market is very lame. I guess staying overnight is more than enough for this place. The bus ride was quite comfortable though. No "bus smell" (I feel like the scent of old bubblegum permeates most buses -- or is just their air freshener?), and I managed to sleep a couple of hours. And the seats recline just like what I see in movies for first class airline seats.

So that was two weekends ago. Just this weekend I cam from Bangkok. My third visit in three years. I just want to go back! Stayed in another backpackers' hostel but I didn't like it so much. Run down, not so good location. You'd know if the location isn't good when the cab drivers demand exorbitant rates for sending you there from the Suan Lum night market! Good thing nice cab driver Mr. Rung drove us by meter! Bangkok is still THE place for any girl's shopping needs. Prices are pretty much Manila prices but the great unique finds! And flying from SG is much cheaper than flying from Manila as my airfare PLUS my accommodations PLUS my shopping equal to just the airfare to Manila.

I've got a day now to breathe then I'm flying home to Manila tomorrow! That's the best part! I'll be writing about it again soon, as we will also be going to Bohol sometime June. Woohoo!

chance to live life

2007-05-15T18:41:00.000+08:00

I guess it's a sign when I'm starting to NOT have a life when I just keep on associating myself with the people I see on TV. Like this afternoon I was watching the latest episode of Gilmore Girls and I related to Rory's thoughts when she said that for a while she was scared that her life was undecided when her dream of joining the New York Times was shut off, and all her other chances just flew away. But now she was excited that life was wide open for her.

Yesterday was my last day in my job of 2 years and 11 months. I was telling myself this morning it was my first day of being unemployed or of being in between jobs. Was about to put in "officially unemployed" in my yahoo status message but I remembered that I am a naturally optimistic person. So instead I put in "I'm free!"

Indeed I am. So yes, I agree with Rory. I have life wide open for me! And this is my chance to live life the way I dreamt of.

And going back to my not-having-a-life tendency, as what Meredith Grey said in one of the recent episodes, "Everyone's dream is having the chance to keep on dreaming."

So allow me to still watch my TV shows. But I'm going to live beyond that. I'm actually going to do something about my life.

ideal offices on TV

2007-05-09T16:14:00.000+08:00

My mind is filled with boob tube details as watching my US series have eaten up a lot of my free time for the past days, weeks, months.

I was watching Grey's Anatomy's two-hour special (season 3, episodes 22 to 23) when I couldn't help but be envious of the office environment of the Beachfront Wellness Centre. With hot men like Taye Diggs and the other guy, plus the yummy receptionist played by the guy who plays Piz in Veronica Mars (his name's Chris Lowell I think). The office environment is laid back, home-like.

If only I can find an architectural firm with that kind of environment. Or start one!

But then again Teri Hatcher's home office in Desperate Housewives is quite appealing too. Maybe soon enough I can have a home office as well then be free to make my own errands in my time.

Sigh. Countdown...

reprise

2007-05-07T17:02:00.000+08:00

Guess the guy didn't get the message. He actually had the guts to come to the office and have the receptionist call me! I guess it would have been okay if he never worked here. But he did and most of the office population knows him. Mostly likely it was only the receptionist plus a few other people saw him. I told the receptionist that I was waiting for a call and could not go out. She said he had some stuff to pass to me. So I told her to collect for me. It turned out to be a couple of mini cakes and a card that I don't even want to open.

I'm so rattled by it that I'm eating the cake now. How dare he corner me like that. How dare he give a hint to our receptionist about what's going on? The receptionist is a great girl but she could be a blabbermouth. I'm just hoping that she's thinking it's more of a farewell gift for me and nothing else.

What the hell was he thinking???

glad i'm not a guy

2007-05-07T15:40:00.000+08:00

A guy friend of mine who was a former colleague actually revealed his feelings for me over an email. I think at this time I'm grateful to technology that he actually did it through an email, as he just isn't my type. Made replying to him easier.

I just wondered if there wasn't internet access or mobile text messages, then he would have done it face-to-face and I wouldn't have handled it well. I'm just not good in expressing my feelings in an impromptu narrative. So maybe I wouldn't have had the chance to tell him what I felt.

On the other hand... WHAT IF I liked the guy? I would have hated that he revealed his feelings over an email. Would have been points against him.

Guys have it tough really. Glad I'm not one. And I'm not one of those girls who would be doing the pursuing anyway.

But then again, it's also tough waiting.

Anyways back to that guy. It felt really REALLY icky reading cheesy stuff coming from him. Which is quite unfair cuz if he was someone I liked I would have been on top of the world. But it turned out to be the opposite. I found myself just scanning through his email, skipping the gory details.

So as I mentioned, it became easier for me to reply. Since he said those via email, I replied via email. Eye for an eye, right? So I frankly told him how he stood with me. That I don't share the same feelings and that friendship is all he can expect from me. And that things are bound to change after. How pitiful for guys that can jeopardize friendships due to feelings they couldn't help.

So I thought that was the end of it. But no... he emailed me twice more after I replied. He was trying to redeem himself or making me feel guilty or whatever. But basically he just kept going on and on about his feelings, that I don't really know everything written in the emails as I just scanned through them as they were just plain awakward.

I thought my blunt reply was enough to put him on his place. But he actually said that he hoped to ask me out in the future. Stubborn, aren't we?

So my final attempt was to reply to his second email, which plainly said that his emails were starting to make him feel uneasy. And that he should give me time as I just can't handle it. I resisted to write and tell him to just stop.

I tried to be as honest as I could. It's the least I could do. The last time this happened I never gave the guy any closure. I just ran away. Or a better term would be "hid" from him. At least I know a tad better this time that guys deserve your honesty. If they can't deal, sorry.

And please don't say I didn't give him a chance. I did. A few times actually. Even when I didn't want to I listened to some friends of mine who said he deserves a chance. So I gave him two chances. And there just isn't any chemistry. It also didn't help he didn't pay for my meal nor helped me carry my shopping packages (so now can you blame me for not liking him that way?)

I hope I handled it right this time. But what's sad is I think I'm losing a friend because of this. But oh well, I guess that's how life goes. We just move on.

70 Confessions (just to kill time...)

2007-04-11T20:43:00.000+08:00

1.The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
right now... hmm... anyone from my family, a good friend

2. When shopping at the grocery store..
i always get my box (or two) of muesli and a litre of milk.

3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
why not?

4. Do you take compliments well?
depends on the form of compliment and who gave it.

5. Do you play Sudoku?
used to.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
i guess i would.

7. Do you like nipple rings?
nope.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
nope.

9. What was your favorite game as a kid?
piko. monopoly. sorry.

10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married what would do?
tell him off. wouldn't stand another girl doing that to me!

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
friendly date maybe, but i know it won't go anywhere.

13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
be pursued of course!

14. Use three words to describe yourself at the moment.
tired, lazy, tired. (haha)

15. Do any songs make you cry?
depends on my mood.

16. Are you continuing your education?
nope. unless someone gives me

17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
nope.

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grab?
oh gosh... that's one of my worst nigthmares... we've lived in the same house forever. don't even want to think about it, knock on wood.

19. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
my mom, sister and nephew when i last flew home.

20. Who do you call the most?
my parents.

21. What is your favorite children's book?
encyclopedia brown I think.

22. What color are your eyes?
brown

23. How tall are you?
5''8''

24. Do you have a crush on 'Dave the Goofy Professor'?
don't even know who he is

25. If you could do it over again, start from scratch, would you?
no thanks. i appreciate that everything happened for a reason, now i just move on!

26. Any secret admirers?
how would i know if it's a secret?

27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
i think when i was a kid and places like photoline and the like weren't so common yet.

28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
i don't even know where olive garden is :(

29 Favorite ex?
err....

30. Where is the furthest place you've traveled?
Haven't been out of Asia :(

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
right now, sleep.

34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
both! but i'm my dad's dughter, if you get what i mean :)

35. How long does it take you in the shower?
depends on how much time i've got.

36. Can you do splits?
nope.

37. What movie do you want to see right now?
because i said so.

39. What did you do for New Year's Eve?
had dinner with my family.

40. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
i didn't watch it

Hmm... we're missing a number #41, so its just 69 confessions!

42. Do you own a camera phone?
not anymore.

44. Was your mom a cheerleader?
nope.

45. What's the last letter of your middle name?
A (that's not a confession... anyone would know that...)

47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
7 i think.

48. Do you like care bears?
i used to. brins back memories :)

49. What do you buy at the Movies?
the last i could remember was i split a meal with my mom and sis in gateway malll wherein it had that yummy doughy thingie with whipped cream and chocolate on top. yummy!

50. Do you know how to play poker?
yup.

51.Do you wear your seatbelt?
here in singapore yeah

52. What do you wear to sleep?
loose shirt and shorts

53. Anything big ever happen in your town?
don't think so.

54. Is your hair straight or curly?
frizzy straight haha

55. Is your tongue pierced?
nope

56. Do you like Liver and Onions?
yeah :) liver steak yum yum! but not too much of it of course...

57.Have you ever been in love?
with my family, with a place.

58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
a balance of both is good.

59. Ever been to L.A.?
nope.

61. Do you visit goofyauctions.com daily?
haven't heard of it and you can't make me check it out now just because you mentioned it!

62. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?
hmmm....

63. Do you hate chocolate?
how could anyone hate chocolate?!?

64. What do/did you and your parents fight about the most?
we haven't fought for years now :)

65. Are you a gullible person?
i think so :P

66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
don't think so

67. If u could have any job what would it be?
personal shopper

68. Are you easy to get along with?
i think so :)

69. What is your favorite time of day?
evenings (friday in particular) since you have the weekend ahead of you!

70. Are you a generally happy person?
yup yup!

and i'm back!

2007-04-11T14:23:00.000+08:00

Gosh. I haven't written here for the longest time and SO MUCH has happened and a whole lot more are bound to happen in the next days/ weeks/ months. The first quarter of the year seemed life-changing. I don't think I can use the word stability to describe this year for me at all.

Just a lowdown of what has been happening with me:
1. I've had a sideline business which has been eating up a lot of my free time for the past two months.
2. I've decided to resign from my job of almost two years and tomorrow's the day i'll be tendering my resignation... by mid may I'll be free!
3. I've been evaluating what I really want out of life and I think little by little I'm on my way there :)

All that plus of course updating myself with the latest episodes of Prison Break (hated the season 2 finale...), Heroes, House, Desperate Housewives, the oc (buh-bye oc!), One Tree Hill, Veronica Mars, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Lost, Grey's Anatomy, Gilmore Girls, Dirt, Ugly Betty, Entourage and My Name is Earl. Hahaha. If there's a will to do all these... there's a way to make it happen!

The next months will be a bumpy ride. It can lead me to a new job here in this city, a new business, or even let me fly back home. But I'll stick to my new year's resolution and make sure that whatever path I would take is based on what I want.

Maybe the next few months I can go back to writing a lot again in this ol' blog of mine and let you know how it goes!

what am i doing???

2007-02-27T09:40:00.000+08:00

I've been telling myself for the past weeks that I've just bullshitted my way through my day-to-day work life here in my current job. To think I've been with the company for over 2 years now.

I don't believe in the company's design profile. Maybe the company is also bullshitting its way to gain prestige. But who am I to judge? I am no Frank Gehry or Richard Meier. I'm not like others who invest on subscriptions to Architectural Record. Nor do I frequent the website. I think I only visited their website once. I prefer checking out perezhilton.com or eonline.com.

I can't design as easily as the some of the other people in the office. In my worse days I consider myself as one of the weakest links among the architects. I won't be surprised that I would be one of those to go if the company decides to lay-off people. But then again, maybe I would thank them if they do that. Make the decision for me. And also, I guess I will be gone even before they decide to take that step.

How long more can I bullshit my way through?

Slow Culture

2007-02-07T10:16:00.000+08:00

I'm not really much into forwards and chain letters. (Don't worry, this isn't a chain letter) Even if some chain letters involve Jesus or love or something like that, I delete it right away, thinking it contradicts the Bible's teaching of unconditional love. (I believe God doesn't need me to forward messages for me to show Him that I love Him.)

So anyway this one is something that made me think. It also ties up with the stories I've been hearing lately about cultures that are more laid back -- the Danish, the Australians.

Now I learn about the Swedish. Before I read this, the only thing I knew about Sweden is that IKEA originated from there heheh.

Anyways, I pasted the statement below. To whoever's copyright it is, my apologies. I just wanted to share the insights.

An interesting reflection: Slow Down Culture

It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.

Globalized processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate,
debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results.

Said in another words:
1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.
2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people.
4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned companies. Volvo supplies the NASA.

The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, either the second or third. One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot." To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closer to the door. Don't you think? Imagine my face.

Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe name Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing. Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast
Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.

Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness" generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity" (life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity been driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US's attention, pupils of the fast and the "do it now!".

This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure
time. Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living.

It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do. It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence of spirit.

In the movie, Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they dance to a tango.

Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".

Now that's the life, isn't it? With such an ideal life wouldn't would have to dream of the day they can retire and achieve that more laid back lifestyle since they would ALREADY be living that life.

Something to think about.

Friends and Expectations

2007-01-22T20:58:00.000+08:00

Someone once scolded me for having too much expectations on my friends. Although sometimes I have reason to do so, I guess he was right.

I can't expect all my friends to keep my secrets. There are only a few I can count on for those.

I can't expect a friend to value me as much as I value him/ her.

I can't expect all friendships to sustain themselves. People just grow apart. Making effort to keep in contact sometimes just isn't enough. Friends come and go. Maybe they were just meant to touch your life for a short period, for a certain purpose. Then we move on.

But above all these, there are still those certain friends who will stay.

Post-Friends

2007-01-22T12:17:00.000+08:00

I've been spending the past weeks catching up on the latest seasons of several US TV sitcoms, as well as tried starting several new ones.

I've already watched halfway through Gilmore Girls, Veronica Mars, the o.c., One Tree Hill, Desperate Housewives, My Name is Earl, Grey's Anatomy and Lost. I am postponing watching Prison Break and Heroes when the seasons are either almost over or better yet, when they ARE over so I wouldn't be left hanging.

A couple of the other shows I have started to watch are Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (starring Matthew Perry) and Dirt (starring and produced by Courtney Cox). Although a bit too political for me, Studio 60 has got me hooked due to the lovable characters played by Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford. Sarah Paulson proves to be a splendid actress, as well as the other cast members. Amanda Peet is winning me over as well. A show within a show, the sketches they play in the TV sjow (within the series) is unlike what you see in MadTV or SNL. More politics less pop. But it's the goings-on behind the show that make you just watch it.

On the other hand, Dirt is a more shallow show, focusing on life of the paparazzi in Hollywood. Courtney Cox is a bit too forced of an actress. And that's after just watching the first episode. I'll continue to watch the following episodes though since it entertains me enough and the idea of finding out what happens in a US tabloid is somewhat interested. And hey, I don't have anything better to do at times.

Or rather, I just feel lazy to do anything else but bum around.

Re-focus!

2007-01-19T09:34:00.000+08:00

It's just the first month of the year (and only 12 days since I wrote my new year's entry) and I've come to realize that I have re-focus what I have previously declared as my new year's resolution. My emotions were running high at the start of the new year, and I guess my emotions overruled my mind for those few days.

I still stick to the idea of learning to love myself more, but for the first item wherein I stated that I will find out what I really want to do, I've come to realize that I don't have to change jobs to do so. I can still develop my skills outside my full-time job. There is life outside the office, and I will embrace that. Just for the purpose of developing my portfolio, I've started practising my manual rendering of architectural designs, and that way I can develop my form-building, which has been my weak point ever since. For personal development I suppose. I hope it's a good start.

Hopefully once I master that I can venture into computer animation, if I find enough drive to do so. My previous basic knowledge on Sketch-up and Autodesk Revit is catching dust somewhere at the farther side of my brain and I have to reach out and relive those. It needs strong initiative, but I hope I get around to doing so.

I will make a habit of studying books and magazines more, probably make an investment in a good book or two. Study others' works. Remember my lessons during my university days. A professor said that everyone starts out copying somebody else until you find your niche.

So I'll just continue praying that I find the inspiration to do all these. Not to get lazy. And to make the most out of what I have. As for my job, it isn;t my dream job, but it pays for the bills and more. So maybe it's worth staying for a little bit more.

not that i believe in it...

2007-01-10T14:32:00.002+08:00

I came across my horoscope (for my birthday) for the year 2007. Again, not that I believe in it but it seemed so coincidental:

It’s important that you run away from your old luck and your existing situations this year. Or else, you would need help from powerful people and you would end up in tears.

There are many stars of powerful help in your central Palace this year. Of course, it’s always good to have people to help you out. Those stars are there to offer serious help, which means the Roosters are seriously in need of help this year.

It is because there are so many unfavorable attributes to your luck that you need so much help from the stars. You also need people to solve problems for you.

For instance, those involved in lawsuits should find a smart lawyer to help you out. Those in poor health should of course need an experienced doctor. Those having family crises should find a counselor or social worker. Those suffering from losses in terms of financial investment should find a financial consultant.

Of course, there are more proactive approaches to life rather than waiting for help. That’s why I say you should run. As long as you are willing to leave, you can still make a fortune with a promising salary review; you can still get promoted or start your own brand; you can still meet the hunks or embrace the hot babes; you can still win the lawsuits or find a good doctor… It’s all possible as long as you are ready to go.

Despite the lack of a star of mobility in your central Palace, the star Yi Ma is hitting your Palace of household affairs real hard. You are encouraged to leave. Your Palace says, ‘No worries; move for luck.’ Those having many quarrels and grudges at home should move home.

There are many unlucky stars in your central Palace, namely Zai Sha, Qiu Yu, Diao Ke and Po Sui. That’s why you have to leave your central Palace. Otherwise, you would feel depressed and pessimistic with tear gland disorder. Those who supect themselves might get involved in lawsuits may pre-empt the destined court case by attending a hearing in a court.

Sheer coincidence? I don't know. I'll just proceed in finding what I truly want to do.

morning thoughts

2007-01-10T08:53:00.000+08:00

I'm not a coffee drinker. Coffee sometimes give me migraines, and it reminds me of my college days that I had to be awake for 72 hours straight or I had to keep myself awake for a boring professor's morning class. A bit traumatic too since one terror professor singled me out for yawning too much in class. (okay, okay, he didn't publicly humiliate me but he gave a warning to the class in general and I was guilty since I was seated on the front row and yawning away.)

But the mixed scent of coffee, hot chocolate, toasted bread... provides good memories. Reminds me of mornings when my family used to go to Baguio at least once a year -- when we would prepare a hearty breakfast of sinangag and corned beef or adobo, when we usually don't eat rice for breakfast.

Mornings are usually when everyone's together. When everyone discusses what to do for the day. When you still feel you have a long day ahead of you.

Yup, I've realized I'm a morning person.

anecdote for the day

2007-01-08T14:51:00.000+08:00

With all of us Filipinos here in the office back to work from the holidays, we share goodies with our colleagues -- from Boy Bawang to ensaymada to dried mangoes to polvoron.

My colleague sitting next to me is a Muslim, and obviously he only eats Halal items -- meaning no pork or lard. This morning he whispered to me, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, what?" I asked.

"Can I eat this?" He showed me a polvoron he was holding.

"Yeah of course!" I replied. "It's just milk powder and sugar."

"But I saw this," he countered. Then he pointed to the fine print that said "pinipig polvoron".

I started laughing. "Pinipig doesn't come from the pig! It's just toasted rice!"

It's just these moments that make me feel better during the dreadful working hours, even for just those few seconds.

auld lang syne

2007-01-07T19:16:00.000+08:00

I just learned "auld lang syne" meant "days long past". Before that all I know it's the new year song, which was playing when Moira Kelly and DB Sweeney kissed in Cutting Edge, and when Ashton Kutcher kissed Amanda Peet last minute in A Lot Like Love. Guess I just wanted to give the impression this is my "it's-a-new-year-now-what" entry.

So here it goes.

2006 has been one of my toughest years to date. Maybe if I paid attention to my horoscope when the year started (and IF i believed in astrology) it would have said the year of the rooster and/or people under the gemini sign would have a series of bad luck for the year. It was emotionally tough. But of course it wasn't all bad. There will always be good things mixed in with the bad. I just hope I could say I turned out to be stronger after the past months. Well we'll see. I guess what I learned from 2006 is to not take things for granted, and to be thankful for your family and friends who don't let you down when you're in need.

So with 2006 officially over (Okay, I'm like 7 days too late to say that), I look forward to 2007 with hope, excitement and anxiety.

My New Year's Resolution for 2007 is this: to learn to love myself more.

It seems very broad I know. I did that intentionally. I read somewhere that if you have too much resolutions for the year you won't be able to achieve them, so it's easier to just have one and track it throughout the year.

But I'm cheating actually. The same article said you can have sub-resolutions to support that one resolution so that's what I'm doing. To achieve my resolution I thought of a couple of means to achieve it, both of them relevant to me and what I experienced for the past year and so:

1. Work towards my dreams and not get side-tracked. I spent 2006 stuck in a job I wasn't happy with. I stayed for the wrong reasons and this year is my time to find what I truly want to do.
2. Improve more my lifestyle when it comes to health. I think I was able to address this a bit last year, taking care of my physical activities and disciplining myself (a bit) when it comes to my diet. I will be more focused this year.

And when hopefully I achieve learning to leave myself more, I would learn to open up to others more, gain more confidence in socializing and sustaining relationships. I've been quite a hermit for the past year and I need to work on it.

Phew. My resolution seems quite heavy huh? But since it's just 7 days into the year I'm still a bit optimistic. For the first method I've already updated my resume and applied online to a couple of companies. For the second I've improved my weekly workout. The only difficulty would be to sustain them.

Happy New Year everyone! Cheers!

Christmas Wish List!

2006-12-12T11:59:00.000+08:00

I know this is a bit late. But just for the sake of writing one here it goes:

1. 25 Tropical Houses in the Philippines (book) -- should cost around P1,700 hehe
2. my very own treadmill! (or if you're very generous, one year membership to a good gym :P)
3. weights
4. blind date with a decent-looking ELIGIBLE guy (hahahaha)
5. Cecilia Ahern books
6. All seasons of 24 (pirated is fine haha)

That's it. I have a lot more radical wishes, but they're a bit too much, like a DVD recorder or an iPod Video, but that's pushing it right? ;)

2007... a new beginning

2006-12-12T11:48:00.000+08:00

I've been taking things here at work one day at a time. I've come to realize that I have to change shift soon.

It's been very bleak. I ask myself once in a while what I am doing here, doing things that I do not enjoy, or ever thought I would do.

I feel like an impostor.

I feel like I'm in a loveless marriage.

Time to move on.

And I'm not saying these because I'm being lazy since I'll be flying home soon for the the holidays. I've felt this way since the beginning of the year.

So maybe I should look forward to 2007 since I will force myself to face new roads and challenges. And who knows, happiness may just come with it.

gym tales

2006-12-07T17:56:00.000+08:00

I've been going to our condominium gym for the past 4 months. Not that it has made significant impact on my form, but it made me feel less guilty during dinner parties and other binge sessions.

Aside from that, going to the gym has made me less of a snob in our condominium complex as there were opportunities to interact with co-residents who were also using the gym (passing of the keys, teaching how to use the treadmill, etc) and the security personnel since we had to get the gym keys from them.

I've even made "friends" with some residents (hi's and hello's) and the guards are now familiar with me. One of the past Indian guards even started calling me by my surname (instead of the usual "Ma'am"), and got scolded by his superior by being so casual with me.

A lot of us gym-users have been suffering over the past month since the air-conditioning units have been out of order. If I managed to stay in the gym previously for 40 minutes, for the past month I was only able to stand staying for 30 minutes, or as short as 20 minutes if I really wasn't into it. Last week one of the friendlier guards told me we would have to wait till January for the a/c units to be fixed.

Yesterday, after work, I walked towards the guard house. Outside was one of the newer Indian guards. I gave him my resident's card then signed in. Then the two more superior guards -- one Chinese guard and one Indian guard, both in their 50's, poked their heads out, one by the window, and one by the door.

"Do you want to use the air-con, ma'am?" the Chinese guard asked.

It took me a second for his words to sink in.

"Of course!" I muttered.

Then he passed me this gadget. "We have brand new air-con units, ma'am!" He said proudly, handing me a new a/c remote control.

I played along. "Wow! Am I the first to use it?" Since I was in the day before and the broken a/c units were still there.

The older Indian guard answered, "You're the third! You win silver prize! Not bad huh?"

I was laughing as I walked away from the guard house and walked towards the gym with newly-installed a/c units.

There are these moments in life that could just brighten up your day.

friends and lovers

2006-11-06T12:25:00.000+08:00

I never fantasized that I would be friends with a guy before realizing we were meant for each other. For one, I was never the "best friend" type. I've never had any best friend on record. And second, I don't think I can take the confusion that comes with the transition from shifting from being friends to being more than friends.

I made this friend in the office and until now I am not sure if I should read anything when he casually says "we should meet up for dinner some time" or when he gave me chocolate once when he knew I was being really stressed at work. Then when he bought me a CD when he came from KL.

Or am I just being dense? Or am I being in denial and that I refuse to consider he has any other intentions?

I just read this book by Cecilia Ahern (who also wrote PS I Love, which, I found out, will be turned into a movie with Hilary Swank as the lead) this weekend and it's about this guy and girl best friends who took them one marriage for the girl and two marriages for the guy and for both of them to reach the age of 50 till they ended up together. Geez. I know it could be romantic in essence... soulmates and all that... but all the wasted time!

Just something to think about...

an idle mind is the devil's playground

2006-11-03T12:11:00.000+08:00

I hardly did anything productive this week. Somthing that happens usually when I did a lot a week before. I'm just so friggin lazy. Everyday I update my countdown till our Bangkok trip, till flying home and Christmas. Being a bum like this isn't fun when you're in the workplace and have to be discreet about not doing anything.

This just ain't healthy.

minority

2006-10-15T22:12:00.000+08:00

Although saying I am "pissed" is too strong a word, I have been quited pissed, irritated, with my flatmates lately.

With the two of them getting married by the year-end, the other common room in our apartment will be vacant soon. So we've been looking for a new flatmate. We have agreed once that preferably not a guy, and preferably not someone who smokes.

Then lo and behold, I get an email yesterday from my flatmate, with her saying they have found a replacement... and ta-da! A guy! No consultation from me, no introduction.

As if I can still do anything else. I'm just the minority here anyways.

Maybe this is being juvenile of me. But living with non-family people is not a piece of cake.

countdown

2006-10-13T15:44:00.000+08:00

37 days till Bangkok!

58 days till I fly home!

68 days till Christmas!

5 months till freedom!

unlucky

2006-10-12T22:24:00.000+08:00

I feel a bit crappy now. My two siblings and I are being quite unlucky with our careers. I'm currently stuck in a job that I'm not happy with, but I'm tolerating since it pays decently enough and allows me to take leave when I want to. And it isn't so easy for me to find a new job that I really want.

My older sister just resigned from the job that I thought she was really happy with. But things didn't work out and now she's looking for a new one. Lucky for her, her track record is already quite solid. She's been having back-to-back interviews. It's just a matter of getting the one she really wants.

My younger sister, well, I feel bad. The job that she started a few months back, that made her work till the wee hours in the morning and shook up my parents' errand and sleeping schedules, is leaving her in an awkward situation. And I knew she enjoyed it, and it seemed quite promising for her talents. With her job experience still limited, I pray her talents and the prestige of that company would lead her to a job that is more rightfully hers.

And neither of them is interested in joining me here. I've always hoped that one of them would, to make it more emotionally stable for me.

I don't know how all of us could be unlucky in our careers simultaneously.

But on the other hand, we're lucky that's all where our lack of luck lies. And we still have each for support, for prayers, for strength.

Crazy over Daniel Henney!

2006-10-04T16:31:00.000+08:00

I just started watching Spring Waltz... I made sure of it after watching Kim Sam Soon, with Daniel Henney playing Henry.

Daniel Henney! He's my current crush! He has an adorable smile...

Just watching Spring Waltz makes me want to fly to Korea right now and hunt him down.

Sigh...

entourage

2006-08-03T20:11:00.000+08:00

Since I've run out of shows to download, I ended up downloading all the episodes of Entourage. No thanks to Limewire for it being so much slower than it used to be, it took me four days to complete downloading season 1. (I used to be able to download at least 8 episodes of larger file size in one day)

I've watched the first two episodes last night. Although I'm not necessarily hooked, it's interesting enough. Brings you a sneak peak of living in the glitz and glamour of showbusiness in the USA.

I could slightly see why they took it off the air when it supposedly premiered in HBO last weekend. But I'm no one to judge. Maybe I'm too conservative.

So coincidentally after watching episode 2 when Vince bought a Rools Royce Phantom for $320K, I was surprised to see someone driving a white Phantom in the Singaporean streets this morning! Just the thought of how much it costs could make me faint. More than a lifetime of an average person's savings indeed!

So I'll just continue watching Entourage and be satisfied being a spectator of the life of the rich and famous.

Faking It

2006-08-02T15:56:00.000+08:00

You may have come across this show At Discovery Travel and Living. It's a very interesting. I sometimes wish they would select me to fake it as a fashion designer, a chef, or something else cool.

Bullshit is the name of the game actually.

This week has been quite busy and I feel like I'm "faking it". I've been faking as an architectural designer. Hahaha. This might come out weird cuz I am an architect in degree and in practice. But since joining the corporate world of Building and Construction, you can actually get away with being an architect without the "design" part that most people know -- sketching massing models and schemes. studying forms, etc. For the past months/ years that I have been trained as a project architect "designing" came in the form of answering RFI's (request for information), value engineering, details that need to be worked out since the original design intent doesn't work on site.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy designing -- the schematic/ form designing -- but I am particular about the type of building use. I believe my interest is more for residential bungalows. Small-scale buildings of other usage are okay too. Unfortunately I am part of a big firm that lives on large projects. Not really my cup of tea but I'm surviving so far.

So anyways I've been helping out with the waterfront project I wrote about a few entries ago. We had one presentation yesterday (Tuesday), and there will be a second one tomorrow (Thursday). After the presentation yesterday and hearing the clients' comments, my superior told me I should work on an alternative design in time for the presentation tomorrow. Gasp! For one, I'm not the designer he may have assumed I am. And two, less than 48 hours of preparation?!? Is he kidding?!? That superior of mine is a designer in all sense.... he draws on every piece of paper or napkin everytime a new idea pops into his creative brain. He threw some ideas at me and I just nodded as he spoke of concepts like "Water vortex" and "languorous curves" and spirals and cones and a whole lot more. Not to make myself look dumb I tried to put my own input -- being abstract myself by saying "the sunshading would come out like ripples" and this plane should be flat to distinguish it from the rest" and the sunshading will form the silhouette of a spiral". Hahahhaa.... who was I kidding?

I did put in some effort. Even if I had to meet friends for dinner after work yesterday I brought home my work and stayed up late to work on it. I guess it was more for me to FEEL like a designer, but I didn't accomplish much. I just realized that my ideas wouldn't work as they were too complicated. Trying to do too much too soon and at lack of time.

I've gone through the scheme with my superior and I think I passed "faking it" since he didn't laugh. (or was polite not to laugh?) And by this morning before lunch we have settled on a scheme that met his ideas and the limitations of my design skills given the short amount of time. I have to admit he has a way of swaying the scheme to actually be according his ideas. I didn't mind. I just want to learn a bit more about designing from him.

So maybe I have hope. Maybe the next time I wouldn't have to fake it anymore and become the next Frank Gehry or Richard Meier huh?

last minute

2006-07-30T17:41:00.000+08:00

This weekend seems like a Sex and the City episode wherein it all ties into one theme. For me, this weekend is about doing things last minute.

For the past weeks, I have been exposed to another project in the office -- a Harbourfront four-storey office building which has the same budget as the two-tower of thirty-five storeys each condominium I am also helping with. My role, as my superior told me, is "to run the project!" which, in our office terms, means that I will handle contract matters -- submissions, dealing with clients, following through the project once the design is somewhat settled. And he thought it would be good that I get exposed to the design process. Which of course is good. For the condominium project I joined when the design was pretty much finalized, the tenders have been awarded. So it was hard following or mastering the design when I wasn't there during the development of the form.

So anyway, the design architect in charge -- well, there isn't enough time for me to really gauge how he is but it seems like he's used to doing things last minute. For several times I've offered to help him -- be it check the codes, work out some design details, etc. But I guess he was shy of passing me work since he was concentrating on that one job while I am working on five other projects aside from that one. But everytime we are scheduled to meet with the client and other consultants he ends up preparing the materials in the eleventh hour. So for the past weeks I've witnessed informal presentations that lacked some drawings, details.

So we have a major presentation this Thursday and the superior asked me to help. The design guy was supposed to pass me the drawings to render by Friday but he was unable to finish them. So I told him he can email the drawings to my personal email on Saturday. I didn't want to ruin my weekend by going to the office just because he didn't give me the drawings on time. I'd rather work on it from my apartment.

Another reason I didn't want to go to work on Saturday was because I was itching to go shopping. I don't really know why. I think lately I've been depriving myself from buying something nice -- limiting myself to just going to the grocery. So after quite some time I headed down to Orchard Road to look around. I tell you, no other mall centres in Singapore come close to Orchard Road. Not even the Suntec/Marina area. There's something about Orchard Road with the different activities, the impossibility of NOT seeing tourists looming around, and having to walk through the "boulevard" to jump from mall to mall.

I think it has been some time since I really walked from shop to shop to check out their clothes. The Great Singapore Sale has officially ended but some shops were still offering aftershock sale items. Maybe they're like cast-offs but so what! A bargain is a bargain. There's something for everyone. I always like going to the sales when they're about to end, when the prices have been dropped further. A bit last minute but better late than never!

So yup, I ended up buying one item. Even at 50-percent off it was still a tad more expensive than what I usually buy. But I just loved it! Even with a minor defect I snagged it. I told my mom I'll have her mend it for me when I fly home haha. And to justify the expense I told myself it was the only item I bought from the two-month long GSS anyway. Haha. Don't mind me. I find myself a cheapskate but at those occasions that I actually splurge, I justify it with different reasons like treating myself for this or that, or since I did overtime this day, etc.

So even if I just managed to buy one item during the three hours I was at Orchard Road, I felt very contented haha.

So going back. My colleague did email me the drawings. It was wrong of me to postpone working on it today (Sunday) because it turns out the drawing file he sent me was corrupted or something like that. I texted him to inform him. So we'll work on them tomorrow. I know we will be able to finish it. But when it comes to work, I don't like doing things last minute.

countdown...

2006-07-18T21:52:00.000+08:00

3 days till the weekend...

11 days till august... which means...

34 days till my next vacation home...

I terribly need a break.

After months of agonizing over working with my evil superior, I'm now battling with having too much work in my plate. I know I can't complain since I spent so many of the past months having not much to do, and there are other people in the office handling MORE than what I currently have.

Hopefully the next weeks before I fly home I get to see if this is really what I want to do. Then I can do some soul-searching and thinking while I'm on neutral ground.

44 days to go...

2006-07-07T18:24:00.000+08:00

So near yet so far. I know it will fly by fast cuz it just seemed like last week that I went to the nearest SISTIC outlet on the first day they released the Coldplay tickets, but I still ended up not buying. That was 19th of May. From then till now, a lot of things happened. But they're all a blur. Emotional anguish. Fun times.

But I really can't wait till my flight home. This is the longest I was away so far. The longest before this was the very first time and I waited 6 months before my trip Christmas 2004. Now it will be 8 months since I was last home. I know, I should be getting used to it. But still not I guess. Even if I saw a part of my family during the Chinese New Year break and also a couple of months ago. It still isn't the same as going back to the life I once had back home.

filipino way of thinking and humor

2006-07-05T19:11:00.000+08:00

I just gotta quote this guy. Sorry, I don't know you, Valentin. I just picked it up from my friend (who must know you) So if you end up reading this, hope you don't mind. The least I can do is mention your name.

"But last Saturday, I watched the England vs. Portugal game with friends, while drinking. The drinking makes you an expert in the game. And suddenly everyone becomes deaf so you have to shout in every dialogue. You also begin to have an English, German and even a Portugese accent. Watching football should be done in groups, drinking beer and with friends. Its so much fun that way." - Valentin Posadas

Hahaha. I like your thinking, man. Makes me wish I followed the World Cup. It's really great how Filipinos find humour and lightness in every situation.

Yesterday one of our office secretaries, an fifty-something grouchy auntie commented that I smile to much. I answered back, "What's wrong with smiling?" She muttered something about me being too happy. Eh? Sorry I'm not as grouchy as you.

I'll just keep on smiling...

Thank You

2006-06-26T15:40:00.000+08:00

For the past months maybe I've sounded ungrateful or dissatisfied to the friends I've turned to, during my personal crisis. Not ungrateful to them. Ungrateful in general. But I'm not. I was -- am -- just emotionally unstable now. But it doesn't mean I do not see the good things that surround me. So for this entry, allow me thank for several things:

1. I am thankful to God. No matter what. I trust You, Lord.

2. I am thankful for being here. Even if the past months have been emotionally taxing for me, I could still look back and believe that everything has happened for a reason. I am thankful for all the opportunities that came my way even if sometimes I feel I didn't deserve them.

3. I am thankful for my family and friends who were there for me through thick and thin. Because of them I remain strong (or so I think). That in the worst case scenario I can just choose to fly home and I know my family and friend would welcome me back with open arms.

4. I am thankful that my future is somewhat brighter than if I didn't take this opportunity.

5. I am thankful that I have more than one option right now. And I would just be fine.

6. I am thankful that I still have other things that I am looking forward to. There's life outside work indeed.

Thank you.

Thank you.

My Alter Ego

2006-06-19T14:23:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I think my "agent" overestimates me. This is the second time she had me go to an audition that I felt like I didn't belong, or felt like Cinderella beside her stepsisters. (But Cinderella ended up prettier than her stepsisters and got the prince.... so maybe that wasn't a good analogy haha) I mean, I'm used to being an extra in commercials, photo shoots and even TV shows. But sometimes she actually has this delusion that I can actually be the main talent instead of the extra. No, thanks, I'm fine being the wallflower.

The first time my agent told me to go to this audition for some TV commercial. I thought it was an audition to be an EXTRA. But when I went to the venue I was surprised to see the photo of Joey Mead on the stack of models trying out. Uuuhhh... Ms. Agent, I think you should have your eyes checked. I'm equivalent to approximately 1.5 times Joey Mead's size. Stop wasting my time. Hahahaha.

Then today she had me go to this studio which luckily was just a few blocks away from my office so I was able to go during my lunch break. I was surprised to see models of Western heritage/Caucasians -- in and out of the main studio. Imagine: foreign lanky male models with too much makeup. Images of Zoolander crossed my mind. If my agent was just there I would have smacked her head. What the hell was I doing there? Good thing I didn't have to go too much out of my way to reach the venue. And since I was already there might as well go along with it. The photography people were the same people I worked with Saturday. So they must be wondering why I was there again. They had to take photos of me, some of them full-height. So goodbye, opportunity. Unless they see something in me that I don't, I wouldn't even think about it. Again, my agent just wasted her effort and my time. It was funny though that they had me fill up a firm and asking about my previous assignments, it would look impressive since they are big-named companies. But they just didn't know I was just an extra in all of them. Hehehe. Sneaky.

But I remember there was that one time I auditioned for the Korean drama. My training from school plays from my secondary school paid off since my impromptu skit apparently worked. The Korean producer actually selected me. He said I would appeal to the Korean viewers. Which was weird cuz when I finally watched the drama, I was hardly seen. A waste of displaying my acting skills. Hahaha. I don't why I had to go through an audition to be cast as an extra.

Yes, not many know that I do this once in a while. To keep my life less boring. To make me do something outside the things I normally do. No regrets. Being just an extra, it provides me a sneak preview of how it is behind those TV and print ads I see around me.

cute... :P

2006-06-15T16:20:00.000+08:00

Happy 2nd Anniversary to Me!

2006-06-15T15:15:00.000+08:00

Today marks my second anniversary in this company. So two days ago was my second anniversary in Singapore.

Indeed it has been a love-hate relationship.

But I've survived it. So far.

It has been an emotional rollercoaster. Maybe it's one of those things that you're waiting to get out of, but in the future you'll look back at it and say to yourself, "That wasn't so bad. I think I'm glad I decided to jump into the opportunity."

So how was my anniversary celebration today? The office devil had my head for lunch, haha. As well as the landscape consultant's and the main contractor's, but I was able to recover myself during lunch, blowing off some steam. And she (the devil) was fine again after lunch. I don't think my relationship with her is love-hate... more of indifference-hate. No wonder she's a spinster.... hahaa. I'm so mean.

But going back... cheers to me! Hope the coming year wouldn't be as emotionally taxing...

Getting to Know Me

2006-06-14T12:44:00.000+08:00

Some people read all these self-help books but I think these books carry pointers that we already know ourselves. We just see them in writing and they serve as a reminder. It's also like asking for advice from someone else. You ask for advice hoping that person would tell you what you want to hear. You may guess what they will tell you but you'd rather have it come from someone else than just acting on what your own instincts tell you.

During the past few months I've poured out my complaints, depressions, thoughts to several people. Some offered their advice, but in the end I just did what I knew would be the best decision for my situation. So far, things have been better. I don't know for how long, but I'll enjoy it while things aren't so burdensome.

And for the past few days I discovered something about the way I work -- it's just like the way I type. Fast, not perfect, but gets the point across. If you scan through my blog entries I bet you'll see countless typo errors. My sister calls me a dyslexic typist. I don't type with the right fingers. I never learned to do so. But in my own way I type fast, and people still understand me. Or so I think.

Even during my schooldays, I was one of the first to finish those multiple-choice exams, usually not bothering to re-check my answers. There were only those times I marked the numbers I had to get back to. But otherwise, I passed my paper without reviewing my answers. I passed anyway, right? Maybe some would even think it's "passing with flying colors". Allow me to brag. School's been over years ago. I can just laugh about it now.

Workwise, I make several booboos. But I consider myself a fast worker. Sometimes I convince myself a fast learner too. You can analyze what this says about me. I'm no perfectionist. I just do what I have to do. If it inspires me enough, I exert extra effort to do what I could within the constraints of time, knowledge, skills, etc. But if not, I just do things at my own pace.

Take me or leave me.

The Devil Wears... Dorothy Perkins

2006-06-02T17:02:00.000+08:00

A good friend of mine gave me "The Devil Wears Prada" for my birthday last year. (Thanks Taz!) I should have know... maybe my friend had a premonition that I would be encountering an evil boss like that.

I might as well call it my biography.

And my movie will come out soon too.

It's just a reminder to me that I'm not the only one in the world with a boss from hell.

My Prediction Was Wrong

2006-05-17T15:31:00.000+08:00

I guessed that Chris, Katharine and Elliot would be the top three in this season's American Idol. I guess I underestimated Taylor Hicks' fan base. I was shocked and sad when I learnt of last week's results.

Now Elliot is my only hope. Katharine is okay, but Elliot showed more consistency. And Katharine usually has bad choice of song. And she had several performances that the arrangements were just off, and it seemed like she was rushing the song. I'm no expert but it's the general public who picks the winner right?

Prison Break Fever!

2006-05-17T15:30:00.000+08:00

I started watching Prison Break a couple weeks ago and I'm hooked! Wenworth Miller is such a hottie. And he is very effective in his role. The guy who plays LJ is great too. I should be finishing the first season in a few days. I'm at the edge of my seat!

There are a lot of loopholes in the story. I guess a show of that nature is really difficult to conceptualize, so maybe it's something they should improve on for the next season if there is any.

If you're into the show too drop in a note and we can talk about the cast, the loopholes, etc.

It's a must watch!

yes, i'm still alive

2006-05-09T11:18:00.000+08:00

It feels like ages since I last updated my blog. It's not that I have nothing to write. Just lately I haven't been so enthusiastic about things. With the uncertainty of the things to come my way for the next months, I guess I just want to speed things up and find out what is next for me.

Okay, maybe I'm speaking in riddles.

I just hope it were August already. Or December. Or February. These months should be good milestones. And hopefully by then I have already made my decisions, or better yet, I have found my place.

This should be my quarter-life crisis. Is quarter-life crisis always related to work? Someone asked me a couple of weeks ago, "How are you? Happy?" I replied almost instantly, "Happy with life, not with work." And when I let go of those words I think I meant it. I felt like I meant it. So it should be good that my work isn't my life. Something I made sure of months and months ago when I did all I could to avoid working extra hours. There's more to life than work. So if I refer back to Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas, I should be glad that all my issues are concerning the rubber ball, which is work. While all other glass balls are doing okay.

So maybe I'm doing alright. I shouldn't worry too much. As my mom advised me, that the right thing will come my way. Everything is for a reason. And I know she's right. I just gotta be patient.

Me, Myself and I

2006-04-19T12:36:00.000+08:00

A few weeks ago I wrote an entry about the caucasian couple that I was eavesdropping on during my bus ride to work.

Yesterday I encountered the guy again. No more American lady.

Although the impression their conversations gave me was that the bad-accent guy was just pestering the girl, I still felt bad that there he was all alone. But I noticed that for every stop he would look at the new batch of people coming in, like he was looking for another companion. Then a few stops away, another caucasian guy got in the bus. Apparently they knew each other. If they met during a bus ride, I don't know. Bad-accent guy was offering the seat beside him to geek-looking guy. Mr. Geek declined. It was Mr. Bad-Accent who did most of the talking. I didn't bother listening anymore. His accent was starting to get to me.

A couple of times later Mr. Bad Accent offering the seat next to him but Mr. Geek still refused.

I don't know what's up with Mr. Bad Accent that he seems so desperate to have a companion.

It's true what I tell most of the people I talk to... to survive Singapore, you should bring out the loner in you.

so this is how it is

2006-04-16T21:42:00.000+08:00

The last few weeks have been hell.

Maybe the next ones would be too.

It's tough being faced with a situation wherein your decision could be life-altering. It doesn't even compare to the point almost two years ago when I decided to come here to work. Because in that case the opportunity was offered to me in what seemed like a silver platter. All I had to do was say yes or no. Obviously it was the former and here I am.

Now it's not a simple yes or no anymore. There are so much factors involved that one day you're confident about what actions you should take then doubt it another day.

I can't blame it all on the biyatch who triggered all this. I guess there are the likes of her everywhere. It's just those obstacles I need to learn how to handle. And a time to assess if I am satisfied with what I am doing. To see if it's all worth it.

I know I'm being evasive. Hopefully in the next weeks it would all clear up and could write all about it.

2006-04-11T21:32:00.000+08:00

It's only 9:30pm.

My body yearns to sleep as I am tired from all of today's stress.

But sleeping would just make tomorrow come too soon.

eavesdropping

2006-03-31T08:47:00.000+08:00

During my bus ride to work this morning, I chose to sit across a couple of caucasian expats. I gathered later on that the lady was American while the guy should be European based on his accent. I've seen them before in the same bus service. I've guessed they were colleagues or at least knew each other well enough, but that didn't turn out to be the case.

Distracted by the guy's louder than usual voice and distinct accent (It's not the adorable European one, but a rather irritating one -- I'm kind of guessing he's Italian) I ended up eavesdropping and picking up snippets of their conversation.

GIRL: I might just stay here for just a couple of months more then I fly home.
GUY: I've been here seven months and it flew by so fast.
GIRL: Yeah, I can't believe I've been here pretty much that long too.
(ME THINKING: What about me? I'm approaching two years!)

GUY: So when you fly back to the US you'll get to drive again?
GIRL: Ah yes! I miss having a car. I've been without a car for six years now. I'm so tired of public transport already. But the public transport here is quite neat.
(ME THINKING: I want my own car too!)

GUY: Musn't it be cheaper living in the US?
GIRL: Depends what city you're staying at. Of course it would be very expensive in New York or San Francisco where I would end up.
GUY: Will you live on your own in Vegas? (Where she will be moving, apparently.)
GIRL: I'll have my own place.
(ME THINKING: Lucky gal!)

GIRL: I have a friend who has been working after college for the same length I am, which is less than a year. And he has already bought himself a house in Las Vegas. I guess he's doing really well. In my current salary, it would still take me some time.
GUY: Salaries here in Singapore isn't that good huh?
GIRL: Depends on the profession. I have friends here who are doing really well.
(And I wasn't surprised when I found out later on she was in architecture. No wonder. She said she'd try getting a job from MGM, one of the contenders for the Singapore Casino.)

It was quite interesting listening to these people. I found out both of them had divorced parents. They weren't colleagues. They were of different nationalities. They must be staying in the same condo development, waited on the same bus stop, and rode the same bus. Lucky them, they actually make friends in the bus.

All these I gathered in a fifteen-minute bus ride.

four months to go

2006-03-28T12:06:00.000+08:00

With March coming to a close, I can't help but realize that I have four months left before my original contract expires. If they follow the trend with the previous girls who are in the same program as I am, they will have me renew my contract. But as of now, I'm expecting they aren't. And I don't even know if I WANT to renew.

I've been deliberating for the past weeks if staying would be what I really want. A friend of mine told me that people who work overseas tend to underestimate the importance of work satisfaction. Monetary compensation isn't good enough. Why force yourself to do something for the pay right? When emotionally you're not completely happy.

Four months can be short or long, depends on how you see it or depends on what is in store for me during this time. But I'll just keep my eyes and ears open. And yes, I'll follow my heart and mind. I know I want to stay here in Singapore a bit longer. It's just a matter of what I really want to do here.

and good morning to you too!

2006-03-28T09:53:00.000+08:00

The office bitch makes it a habit on picking on my emails and correspondences. She's as obsessive compulsive as obsessive compulsive can be.

I sent our contractor this email this morning:

Dear Quaker,

We refer to your submission ref. SPL/A61/Arch/1057/05 dated 16 March 06 on the Wardrobe Cabinets. As per BPPL's request, please verify if there would no cost implication if we change the internal finish of the wardrobe cabinets from white melamine to 'oak' melamine (fine line).

We hope for your urgent reply.

Thanks and regards,
Moi

Then the office bitch somewhat scolded me that my email wasn't clear. She said, not the whole interior of the wardrobe cabinet is to be changed to oak melamine. Isn't my email clear that only the areas currently in white melamine is to be changed to oak melamine?

Aaaaahhhhh! I can't do enough to please her.

when did i become an adult?

2006-03-09T15:13:00.000+08:00

I know I entered adulthood years ago, but somehow my heart still yearns to stay as a non-adult -- a carefree teenager or an innocent child. I don't really remember when I transitioned (just coined that word) to becoming an adult. But if I do try to trace it back, I' could say it was when I stepped into college. It must have been the extremes of coming from an exclusive all-girls school to the state university with boys, fraternities, every chance to cut class, commuting to school, choosing your own classes. I dove into it, head on, not realizing what a major change it was. I just crossed the bridges I had to take.

I've always considered the decision to take my degree in UP was taking the road less travelled. Maybe that was what made me start growing up. It wasn't just the increased freedom -- it was my outlook in life. I think I started playing a bigger role in our family issues and decisions. I helped out some more. I voiced out my thoughts more. And I think I was heard. Unlike those adolescent stage years wherein you thought the whole world didn't seem to understand you or cared for that matter. People were starting to listen and I realized that I was maturing.

But I thought college was the real world. That was totally underrated. The freedom and responsibilities I had then are totally underrated as compared to the responsibilities I face now. I have to earn a living, pay my rent, pay for utilities, manage my time, manage my finances, plan my future, maintain relationships, do my own chores. And the list doesn't stop there. Everyday is made up of decisions ranging from the simplest to the more complex. You can't take the small decisions for granted as they could pile up and affect your future. And there's the added task of managing leaves to fly home often enough so as not to miss out on the lives of family and friends. Suddenly I constantly hear the terms financial obligations, pension plans, insurance, and benefits. Grown-up words indeed.

Although I am quite blessed with a decent job, a headstart for my career, a chance of being independent. I am grateful for all those. But sometimes the responsibilities that come with the situation I am in chokes me for a minute. Suddenly I have to foresee my future at such an early age. It won't be that easy for me to transfer jobs, move to another country or come back home. There are a lot of implications. I wonder how some people have it easy moving from one job to another. Or deciding to resign to rest for a bit. I wish I had it that easy.

But then again maybe I'm just being too hard on myself. Maybe I'm taking this adult role too seriously.

Although I know I'm not all that adult-like. I consider myself one of the mischievous ones in the office, conspiring with the others sometimes by using the internet during office hours, not going back to the office after an afternoon meeting, and I've even tried exaggerating sickness so I can take the day off.

Maybe I can play adult for now then in time I can go back to being a carefree kid at heart.

responsibility

2006-03-08T10:34:00.000+08:00

I have been a delinquent emailer and blogger for the past two days cuz the week just didn't start right. I was getting hell from the office's bitch and I guess it was getting to me. It just reached the peak yesterday when I started getting depressed and was feeling like I didn't learn a thing for the past year and a half. But I do realize that there are some other people in the office who do not think of me as useless and inefficient. In fact, I could name two who have already inspired me for their willingness to help me out.

It just felt like a sign last night when I was watching reruns of the first season of Grey's Anatomy. It was the fifth episode that struct me. The theme of the episode was RESPONSIBILITY and being the doctors that they are, they were tackling issues regarding their liability when it came to the lives of their patients.

Meredith Grey, the main character, was wondering when did she ever become an adult? She said that when we were kids our problems included not having to eat cookies for breakfast. That was totally underrated. As an adult you have to worry about RESPONSIBILITY -- earning a living, renting your own place, and even the lives of others. But in the end, she decided that being an adult has its perks: living on your own, having sex, not having parents scolding you. So it isn't so bad after all.

And she's right. I am an adult. I am a master of my fate.

personal shopper and headhunter at you service!

2006-03-06T15:03:00.000+08:00

For the past months I've realized that I have a fulltime job of being an architectural assistant, but I have also served as a tourist guide, personal shopper and headhunter.

Among the three I like being a tourist guide the least. For one, Singapore isn't know for its tourist spots so don't expect me to visit those "must-see places" more than once. No thank you. But if you're gorgeous and available, anytime! Wahahaha. (I meant a guy, of course!)

Being a personal shopper is fine by me. I spend most of my lunch break in the mall. And a good way to waste money for myself is to do errands for others. I've looked for stuff like baby thermometers, watches, digicams, adult diapers and men's undershirts. It could be quite interesting. Maybe if there was a Singapore Price is Right I would have been a good contestant!

Now for the past couple of weeks, people have been approaching me for possible employment here in Singapore. I helped people by forwarding their CVs and what not. My sister is having me help a couple of friends of hers. But i'm glad to help for two reasons: (1) if they end up finding work here, a couple more potential friends for me and (2) more reason for my sister to think of working here. Having a sister/ relative work here too would answer all my issues!

So I'm quite a jill(?) of all trades. So if you wanna hire me for anything for my spare time just let me know! ;)

looking forward to the weekend (or not?)

2006-03-03T12:05:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I end up bumming half the time when it comes to Fridays. Somehow I run out of things to do during office hours or I'm just too lazy to work with the weekend so nearby.

I do look forward to the weekend. Meet up with friends, relax, go on with my marathons of the various series.

I also decided to give this guy a chance by agreeing to watch a movie with him. After a few months of texting me now and again, I realized the most I can give him is a chance. He doesn't give me much of an impression. He doesn't interest me. He has poor texting presence. The only time he redeemed himself was when he sent me flowers unexpectedly.

And he picked such a bad time to ask me out for a movie. No good movie is out. If there are, I've watched them. So I shortlisted the films until I decided on Pink Panther. And it doesn't even appeal to me. I do hope he pays for me. If it were some guy I was interested in, I wouldn't mind watching an action or gory movie. But now I'm stuck with a movie and a guy I'm not toally into.

So why did I decide to agree to go watch with him? Maybe it's one of those what ifs I want to get rid of. Who knows right? Maybe he has more to offer than we he lets on. Maybe I intimidate him hence the weird text messages?

He's lousy when it comes to asking a girl out though.

Advice for single guys out there: when you ask a girl out for a movie. Suggest a particular movie. But tell her you're open to watching something else she wants. Suggest the day and time. Don't leave all the decisions to the girl! The girl wants to be pampered a bit. Make her feel special that you're going the extra mile to make it a bit more special for her.

Got it?

living nightmare

2006-02-28T17:41:00.000+08:00

Something totally freaky happened to me this morning.

Let me beginning by informing you of my usual morning routine. When I get up and do the usual stuff in the bathroom I either dress up first or have my breakfast. Ths morning I decided to get dressed first. Before I have my breakfast I take this fiber drink for my digestion.

So here's how it goes. My room is across the kitchen. In my room I keep my mug and my glass, since I drink a lot of water so I usually have my glass with me. So this morning. I took my EMPTY glass and mug to the kitchen. Placing the empty glass on the counter I had my fiber drink. I rinsed the mug after I was done and brought it back to my room.

I then returned to the kitchen, my female flatmate was there preparing some food. I got the bottle of water from the fridge and filled my glass of water when lo and behold, my flatmate and I realized there were TWO FRIGGIN GIANT ROACHES IN MY GLASS!

How the hell did that happen? Was my leaving the glass on the counter ample time for TWO roaches to enter? My flatmate suggested maybe they came from the bottle of water. But how could that be? I was definite it was empty when I brought it out from my room.

It felt so surreal and freaky. Like someone was playing a trick on me. My cousin suggested the supernatural. What the f***? How could that be possible? I just kept on cursing, trying to figure out how that could have happened.

The scene played over and over again all morning, like I've been traumatized.

I totally abhor roaches. I even stuck some rules (or rather reminders) on our fridge to maintain the cleanliness of our kitchen to avoid roaches.

It feels like someone's playing a joke on me.

I decided to get breakfast in 7-Eleven instead. I didn't want to have breakfast in oru kitchen after experiencing that crazy thing.

Gawd, hope I snap out of it soon.

learning from pinoy big brother

2006-02-27T15:36:00.000+08:00

Yes, to make me feel more in touch with the Philippines I expose myself to the shows in TFC. Especially Sundays wherein we have The Buzz and ASAP, I sometimes watch Pinoy Big Brother.

Although most of the time I think it's all crap, Pinoy Big Brother somehow captures my interest. Not that I watch it everyday but it's interesting enough to watch when there's nothing else good on.

I watched an episode last week (or was it the other week?) that two of the "housemates" agreed to have their heads shaved to be able to offer P100,000 to anyone they want.

For one, Rico Robles --being a guy -- should have no problems at all having his head shaved. He's jst an overly sensitive guy. My hats off to Aleck Bovic (is that how you spell it?) for agreeing to do it. It crossed my mind though that isn't P100K an easy enough amount for these actors/actress/entertainment personalities to earn? Why do they have to go to such measures to earn that P100K.

Although I know that P100K can go a long way, I don't think I'll be able to do it. Although believe me, I could sympathize with the situation of having the chance to help someone else out. For a million, maybe I could. Half a million at least. (Although easier said than done. Maybe you can try offering me an amount now and we can see how I will react haha).

The things we discover when we watch the television. I don't know if it makes me more insightful or the opposite. Haha.

while i'm away

2006-02-27T12:20:00.000+08:00

It saddens me about these political issues in the Philippines. I've already accepted the fact for the past weeks and months that the value of the peso has been improving. I'm sacrificing the lower value of my dollar salary for the future of the Philippines.

Then here it goes again. Something to shake up the Philippine stability. For a while I was guilty for being glad and thankful I'm not in Manila right now. But then I guess you can't blame me.

But how then, when I plan to come back home in the future?

I spent Saturday with fellow alumni members, and some of them just joked about the rallies going on. I guess with all these commotion for the past years, it has become a joke. Too redundant. Mocking what the EDSA revolution of 1986 achieved.

I'm not closing my eyes and ears to what's going on in the Philippines. It is still my home. I just pray that all of these will resolved soon.

just for laughs

2006-02-23T18:12:00.000+08:00

Locking Up In My Own Room

2006-02-22T17:12:00.000+08:00

For the past couple of weeks I've been locking myself in my room enjoying the solitude. With the aircon turned on at a tolerable thermostat and with my piled up movies and series, I'm a happy girl! The recipe for my content.

I've been having marathons of desperate housewives (season 2), the o.c. and one tree hill (both season 3). They're addicting! And I've squeezed in movies like Brokeback Mountain, Ice Princess, Trainspotting, Underworld Revolution, Derailed, Jarhead, and Dodgeball. Among all these movies I liked Dodgeball and Brokeback Mountain.

I still have Lost Season 2 and Veronica Mars to watch. Plus a couple of Korean series. And movies like Memoirs of a Geisha. I should be preoccupied for the next weeks to come!

way advanced wish list

2006-02-20T09:34:00.000+08:00

Okay. I know my birthday is like still 3 months away and Christmas has just passed. But there are a few things that I've been looking for that would need time (and luck) to find. Just taking my chances here.

Basically I've been looking for a DVD (can't afford the real one) or a download (mpeg/avi) of the following:

1. Much Ado About Nothing (Emma Thompson, Keanu Reeves, etc)
2. All I Want for Christmas (Ethan Randall/Embry, Thora Birch, etc)
3. Empire Records (Ethan Randall, etc)
4. First Daughter (Katie Holmes)

That's all I could think of right now. Please holler if you have any of these!

shopping philosophies

2006-02-17T14:14:00.000+08:00

Here I go again. When I was so proud of myself for not buying any clothing item since after the Chinese New Year break, I chanced upon the Charles & Keith sale and bought myself a pair of shoes. In fairness to myself, I was just thinking the other day that I needed a pair of dressy black shoes. And voila, there it was before my very eyes. And they had my size. Perfect.

My sister told me she keeps on buying clothes because she has a lot of events to wear them to. What about me? I just like shopping for the sake of shopping. For the sake of finding a good bargain. I don't go out that often. In fact, I have several pieces of clothes that I have yet to wear since I haven't found a good occasion to wear them.

It's funny that when I meant to shop a lot (like in Bangkok) I ended up hardly buying for myself. I ended up buying mostly for other people. But when I'm not supposed to buy anything, I do. The screwed up ways of the world truly.

American Idol Fever!

2006-02-17T12:18:00.000+08:00

They've trimmed down the finalists to 24. I actually think this batch is a good one. If they're as good or even better than the last batch, I don't know yet but there a few of them that I am looking forward to reach the top!

1. Ace Young. A hottie! And he isn't just good looks. He has the voice to boost and sex appeal that lights up the stage! He's an R&B version of Constantine Margoulis... therefore perfect!

2. Chris Doughtry. I have yet to be a real fan of this guy but he intrigues me. He's unique and he looks okay.

3. Kellie Pickler. Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson in one. What more can you ask for?

4. David Radford. Adorable guy! He seems like a shy goody-goody buy he has a crazy side as seen in the elevator before meeting the judges haha. Someone to watch!

5. Lisa Tucker. People may compare her to Jasmine Trias. But hello, she's much cuter and much more talented than Jasmine!

There. I hope these five make it to the top 12. I don't know what's wrong with America if they don't vote for these people! Of course, I'd want the Filipino guy Sway to make it too since I do like the voice quality of the guys in Drop n Harmony/ 6th Day. But don't blame me for cheering on these five people over him!

Office Goodbyes

2006-02-14T16:26:00.000+08:00

Right this minute, I know of six people who are officially leaving the office within the next few weeks. Four of them have been part of the office for less time than I have. I don't know if this is an eye-opener. Some of them have their own reasons -- deiciding to fly back to London, join husband in the US, etc. Some though are just tired from work.

It saddens me that some of them have been good friends of mine.

But life goes on. There might (or should?) be greener pastures for them. Who knows? I might just join the roster one day. With all these people leaving, despite the number of people the office ss expected to hire, I'm sure that I'm bound to help out in at least one project the ones going will be leaving behind. Good luck to us.

Valentine's Day and Me

2006-02-14T12:27:00.000+08:00

It's another Valentine's Day. Still nothing special. Somehow suitors have this perfect timing to stop courting me in time for them not to give me anything on this day. Hahaha. Or maybe it's me with the bad timing. Giving them the signals that I'm not interested before February. But I'm okay, I don't get all sentimental on this particular day. Good thing I never really experienced any special or extraordinary Valentine's.

My history when it comes to this day is just watching every other girl in my high school class receiving flowers from boyfriends and suitors, manning the booth for our college organization as a fund-raiser, speaking to a college professor about my angel and what the future has in store for me, a guy I had an understanding with just texting me the "Happy Valentines Day" greeting (cheapskate!), and something I did last year that only some of my family and friends know. Haha.

But it's two years in a row that my parents sent me the same sms message. Not the exact words, but the key words were still there. I couldn't help but grin when I got them, wondering if they just saved it from last year and just resent them.

sudoku craze!

2006-02-13T11:46:00.000+08:00

If you haven't heard of this, check out www.sudoku.com, which I found out was the 5th most visited website for 2005. I don't know if this is true. I first encountered a sudoku puzzle in our dailies here in Singapore. It's quite addicting. If you're into numbers and puzzles this is definitely for you. (And if you're a geek like me) I've printed out a few puzzles for my bus rides to and fro work. Haha. Try it out. Enjoy!

a month and a half into the year

2006-02-10T17:38:00.000+08:00

It just seemed like yesterday that I was home in Manila for the Christmas holidays. But I'm glad that time is working to my advantage. I can't believe that I'm approaching two years in thei lion city. I still remember answering to people that I'll be here at least until july 2006. I had to state the year for them not to think it's july 2005. 2005 seemed like a blur. Hope this one does too.

I know that time is subjective. Maybe there was something I did right (?) to make the time pass by fast.

I got into the depressed state for an evening after my Thailand trip. But now I'm okay. I'm back into my daily routine. I think I'm going to be okay.

darn it!

2006-02-09T18:11:00.000+08:00

I didn't know! Jason Mraz was also performing here! Thought he would just have a concert in Manila :( Now it's too late. The only tickets I would have been willing to pay for are sold out. I just push for my luck in the MTV Asia contest. But I never win those kinds of contests.

Argh... if only I knew...

Visiting the Land of Smiles

2006-02-07T11:03:00.000+08:00

After the days of stressing over booking hotels and flights for my Chinese New Year break, the holiday has come and gone. Nine full days of freedom. Actually I stretched it to nine and a half.

I left the office during lunch break to catch my flight later Friday afternoon. I then flew to Bangkok on my own. Can I just tell you how unlucky I am? There were so much potentially cute foreigners in my flight but I ended up sitting beside a smelly bumbay. Geez.

The Don Muang Internation Airport is a bit worn down. Reminds me of the domestic airport in Manila. But I heard they were building a new one. They better. Our Terminal 2 in NAIA is much better. And of course, I'm already used to the standards of Changi Airport here in Singapore.

Immigration was quick. I got my luggage immediately. But the gueue for cabs was long. And I ended up with a cab driver who extorted from me 400 Baht. But I was thinking, he brought me to the hotel safely. I might as well give it to him.

The hotel, well, it has seen better days. It's in between a hotel and a backpackers hostel. Or so I think. But the room was huge. The bathroom was pathetic but it did it's job. Breakfast was mediocre. But still filled me up. It's quite sad eating breakfast on your own. Haha. But I knew my parents and sister were arriving noontime, so that's okay.

I ventured to the nearby mall and market (We stayed right next to the Pratunam Market). Disciplined myself not to buy anything yet. We have yet to go to the Weekend Market where stuff or reportedly cheapest.

So that afternoon, my folks and sis arrived and we went straight to the Weekend Market, Chatuchak. It was the closest I've been to a flea market. Cool feel! Mostly the stuff we bought were for my other sister, brother and nephew. But that's okay. We had the next day to come back.

So for the next four days we visited the main shopping destinations in Bangkok: Chatuchak again, Suan Lum Night Market (must have been the basis of Manila's Tiendesitas with the live band and food market as well), MBK (disappointed me; everyone knows this but the shops weren't even great), Siam Square, Siam Paragon (One of the newest and one the most gorgeous malls I've been too! They house the best grocery as well!), Gaysorn, Platinum Mall (walkable from our hotel; newly opened; really promising; my mom, sis and I spent more than half a day going through the shops), Pratunam Market, and Chinatown (really yummy dried pork and cheap dried plum!).

I've never been more tired shopping. Five days in a row. I ended up buying less than I expected. For myself, that is. I was disappointed that most of the clothes that caught my eye were in free size only. Meaning, free size for the Thai frame. Can't they think that many tourists go to Bangkok? How about the Caucasians, huh? A couple were extremely expensive, so no thanks.

Bangkok is also good food. A bit spicy for my parents but I found them very flavorful. Of course though, some days we just ate at Pizza Hut (Pizza Company) or KFC (their original recipe is so not the same)

So that was Bangkok. Thursday, my sister and I flew separately to Phuket, while we left our parents to fly back to Manila. Our hotel in Phuket was much better than where we stayed in Bangkok. Walkable to Patong Beach. Mostly caucasians. I don't know what season it is, but everywhere would be caucasian senior citizens. My sister called it Cocoon, after the movie. But there were still several cute guys. I haven't been to Boaracay before but my sister said there's still more life in Boaracay. I'm not a party animal anyway so just bumming in Phuket is fine with me.

My sister and I spent Friday morning soaking in the sun. We spent late afternoons in the hotel pool. Then spent the nights at the restuarants and bars along Patong Beach. It was relaxing, except for the pesky vendors along Patong Beach who use up all their English whenever you pass by, "Where are you from? Hello. How are you? Beautiful! Tuk tuk?" That was EVERYTIME! Gawd!

But a few days after our trip was over. I flew back to Singapore Sunday. The flight of my sister back to Bangkok was unfortunately delayed and she almost missed her flight back to Manila. But I guess it was an experience.

This trip is memorable. Of course, I would have loved if my whole family joined us. But maybe there's next time. Probably another time this year we could visit a place in the Philippines we haven't been to.

Are you a fanatic?

2006-01-27T12:44:00.000+08:00

Okay, I know I wasn't supposed to write again before I fly to Bangkok but this blog, by Les, made me want to join the bandwagon.

Basically, it just asks you for ten things you've ever been a fan of in your whole life.

So here's mine:

1. the o.c. (I don't really have a crush on anyone in it. But the whole package is just addicting. Downloaded music played in the series, etc.)
2. one tree hill (chad michael murray... bryan greenberg... yada yada; downloaded the music too.)
3. n*sync (Wwhen I still used to think JC Chasez was cute. But I realized later one that Justin's the hot one! I'll definitely watch their concert if they go on tour!)
4. F4 (Like les, I was late too. Blame it on my summer job then.)
5. Will Friedle (from Boy Meets World...hahahaha)
6. Paolo Santos (Better believe it! During those acoustic days...)
7. American Idol season 4 (sorry Les if I'm sounding like I'm copying you but we ARE from the same era hehehe)
8. Dawson's Creek (before the oc and one tree hill)
9. Bob Ross (from i channel... I would buy the same paint brushes he had and painted while watching him... hahahah)
10. VJ Utt!!!

This great! What a way to reminisce!

vacation mode

2006-01-27T11:17:00.000+08:00

It's an hour and a half till I can officially leave the office to prepare for my flight this afternoon. And I'm in such a vacation mode already that I know I won't be able to finish the work that I was supposed to do today. But it isn't urgent. Just one of those "better-to-be-finished-fast" things, but I failed to finish it. Anyway, enough about work.

I'm such in a vacation mode that I already booked (just an hour ago) my flight for my friend's wedding in August! I know it sounds crazy, but blame it on the can't-miss promos of the budget airlines that fly to Manila. Screw them for pressuring me to organize my leaves for the year at such an early stage. I already have one planned for May (just waiting for another promo by the budget airlines to book my flight haha)

The office is already in quite a festive-lazy mood. It's not really festive for me since I'm not Chinese and I don't celebrate the Chinese New Year. I'm more of, well, lazy. Hahahahah. Doesn't surprise you eh?

By the next time I write I'll have tales from my shopping and bumming expeditions in Thailand.

Cheers everyone!

it won't be the end of the world...

2006-01-25T17:24:00.000+08:00

If I choose not to renew my contract during the middle of the year... it won't be the end of the world.

Even if they cut me off now... it won't be the end of the world.

I can try looking for other work in this city. But if I don't find any other opportunities here that would interest me... it won't be the end of the world.

I could just come home... that's where a chunk of my world is anyway.

The Office Bitch Strikes!

2006-01-25T14:33:00.000+08:00

My officemate, a bitch from hell, is at her worst this week. She's rushing for two submissions which should be settled by the end of the week.

Unfortunately, I'm one of her victims since I work with her on two other projects (not those she's rushing for). So I'm getting bitched at for no particular reason, and somehow everything I do is wrong. Or that's just how she's making me feel right now. She made my day start so badly, and I just wanted to cry. I was complaining to my office friends, that one of them even gave me chocolates after lunch, hoping to make me feel better.

I guess I was that bad.

I do hope she doesn't attend the two meetings we have tomorrow. As of now, she said she isn't, but our office planner still says that she's scheduled to go. The last thing I want right now is to spend time alone with her. It will give her more time to deflate my ego.

I'm sorry not all of us can be as great as you, ma'am. If being as great as you would make me turn into something remotely close to how you are now, no thank you.

It's the very first time I just want to curse at someone in the office.

So help me God.

I'm Officially Just an Office Speck

2006-01-23T17:46:00.000+08:00

I had two meetings today. One before lunch, and one after. The first was a big-deal meeting since the three CEOs of the three parties involved attended. I don't really know why. The discussion was all the usual anyways.

The meeting ended in time for lunch. I thought everything was going so well. My colleague was supposed to drive home to change while I would go back to the office first. I wanted to change shoes since my next meeting would be on site. But I didn't have to. So one thing led to another and our CEO invited me and my colleague (a superior too) to lunch. So I can't turn them down right? And to think I was all set in not eating lunch today to follow my detox plan.

So during lunch our CEO and my colleague were just talking (as if I wasn't there!) I was just there enjoying my food, pretending I was interested in what they were talking about. Then someone who know our CEO came over to our table and our CEO introduced us... And that's when I realized he didn't know my name! Oh geez! How embarrassing is that? I'm sure he knows me by face. But by name, well, I guess it's because I never worked directly with him. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. I guess CEOs don't really get to know everyone right? There are indeed 120 of us in the office. Oh well.

no, i just yawned

2006-01-20T17:17:00.000+08:00

My officemate (who'se actually my flatmate) caught me teary-eyed in the office. I quickly replied that I just yawned. Hence, the watery eyes.

My fault. I was emailing an old friend, and we were talking about our nephews. I was telling that old friend that it's so hard that every time I flight home, my nephew doesn't recognize me. It would take him a few hours to get used to the sight of me before he comes to me to be carried.

Which, of course, is inevitable. He is just a baby anyway. But it sucks, you know? You spend months missing the people that matter to you. Then you try to hold a strong face. Well, that's just me. But it won't help if I break down and cry right?

I remember during my gradeschool days, I tried playing this game with a classmate -- who can cry first by force? I never won. But maybe if someone takes up my offer for a duel right now, I would definitely win.

lazy bones

2006-01-20T15:00:00.000+08:00

I remember when I was younger my siblings used to call me "mantika" (meaing "oil" -- I don't know where that term came from but it's pretty common in the Philippines I think ) because I kept on sleeping (now I wonder if that was the reason I got tall) or that they had a hard time waking me up. I wasn't also the most hardworking among us since I abhorred doing chores. And they knew it. We would be at war (and I got scolded) for hating to do chores. I've always told myself I'll earn enough in the future to make sure I could hire a domestic helper. It's funny that when I was very hardworking in school (I would usually do all the work for groupworks), I rebelled when it came to house chores.

And until now I stall when I should clean my bathroom. And when my housemates say we should do general cleaning in the apartment my mind is saying, "Damn."

Some people don't change I guess.

And funny thing is, I admit it. Haha.

The thing is, no one can dictate what I should do. I make my own time. And I work best when I just have myself as a boss.I guess after all these years I've realized this about myself.

No wonder this corporate setting isn't my thing.

things i'd rather do

2006-01-19T14:49:00.000+08:00

This is another one of my "what if" entries, as I am in another of those daydreaming moments in the middle of a workday.

The "what if" is "if" I have reached a point that I can forego the 9 to 5 job through early retirement (meaning, I've already saved enough for a very comfortable life -- which realistically could take me years or even decades if I remain single) or if I marry someone who earns enough for our family.

So first case scenario is if that happens here in Singapore. Here are the things I would do as a tai tai (a high-society lady):

1. Write a novel
2. Take up a culinary course
3. Join a yoga or a pilates programme
4. Spend my days (and money) in Borders, Kinokuniya, Takashimaya, IKEA, and HMV. Forget the National Library... I'll build my own collection!
5. Meet up with fellow tai tais in hotel coffee shops, Marmalade Pantry, Bakerz In, or whatever cozy places that aren't crowded by teenagers. (Now I sound so old!)
6. Frequent a country club for good food, sports, swimming and other activites.
7. Be active in my kids' school programs (if and when I do have kids)
8. Do freelance interior design and residential architecture.
9. Do freelance commercial interior/ display design.
10. Dabble on furniture designing.
11. Dabble on fashion designing.
12. Fly home to Manila AT LEAST every other month.
13. Fly to different parts of the world, alternating with flying home to Manila.
14. Learn another foreign language (like Mandarin or French) AND have a refresher course on my Spanish.
15. Learn how to drive and get a car.
16. Put up a business of something very Filipino here in Singapore, yet caters to all nationalities. Not just the Lucky Plaza crowd!

Okay, second case scenario. I'll be in Manila. A lot of things may just be duplicates of what I wrote above, but somehow the setting changes things.

1. Write a novel. I don't know how to come about writing one of those Summit Books, a few of which have been written by Maya Calica and Abi Aquino. But I'll settle for those types first!
2. Take up a culinary course. Then maybe put up a small-scale catering service with my sistahs.
3. Join a yoga or a pilates programme, or just join a gym.
4. Spend my days (and money) in Page One, Power Books, and Furniture Stores.
5. Meet up with friends in cafes close to where we/they work/ live.
6. Frequent a country club for good food, sports, swimming and other activites.
7. Be active in my kids' school programs (if and when I do have kids)
8. Do freelance interior design and residential architecture.
9. Do freelance commercial interior/ display design.
10. Dabble on furniture designing.
11. Dabble on fashion designing.
12. Fly to different parts of the world, averaging 6 times a year AT LEAST.
14. Learn another foreign language (like Mandarin or French) AND have a refresher course on my Spanish.
15. Learn how to drive and get a car.
16. Put up a business or more.
17. Renovate our Katipunan home.
18. Look up for properties to buy.
19. Save up to franchise IKEA in Manila.

Sigh. Many of these are quite unlikely. It's just nice dreaming. I should blame it on my continuously interrupted sleep last night. Gah.

the case of the annual bonus

2006-01-18T16:05:00.000+08:00

I have been expecting it for the past few days. The whole office knows that the annual bonus comes before the Chinese New Year office shutdown.

And I'm quite glad. I received more than what I expected. My boss hinted before anyways that last year was a good year. So of course I was slightly hoping that it would be more than expected.

But I spoke to my seatmate, a guy draftsman. He was a tad disappointed. I know he's been here for years now (definitely longer than I have) and I'm quite sure he works harder than I do (I think the whole office works harder than I do! But then again, hours logged in doesn't necessarily mean more work done right?). It just sucks that I get a bigger bonus (or I just assume) because of my title as an architect, while he's a draftsman.

Oh the hierarchy of real life! Or rather, the corporate world. Unjust, it definitely is.

So to make them feel slightly better, I'm treating a couple of them for cakes by the end of the week or maybe Monday. Maybe to lessen my guilt of not being as busy that I should be. I know that I could do much more.

i wish...

2006-01-18T10:32:00.000+08:00

I was reading someone's blog last night and I couldn't help but envy that in six weeks she was able to go to Corregidor, Laguna, Boracay, Sydney, and New York. Can you imagine? If I had that freedom (and money!) to do just that. My planner now has the map of the world, and one day I'll mark out all the places I want to go to. I also checked out the three main budget airlines that fly to and fro Singapore. There are a few destinations they reach that I wish to go to someday.

Which is hard you know? Right now, I am limited to traveling during Chinese New Year (where traveling is more expensive!) and Christmastime wherein I would just want to be with my family. But then again, maybe this year I could ask my family if they want to go somewhere in the Philippines huh? That would be something quite different. When we were younger we used to go to Baguio every December (aside from the summer Baguio trip) and ever since the earthquake, that dwindled down. I miss it actually.

I know I haven't been maximizing my chances of traveling. Has to do with my lapses of homesickness, and my other financial obligations. Maybe once that is settled I can loosen up a bit huh?

Who wants to join me in being a jetsetter?

concerts i wouldn't miss

2006-01-17T11:51:00.000+08:00

For the past couple of days I was toying with the idea that I wanted to watch the Backstreet Boys concert. But I got turned off by the tickets prices, knowing that it was almost three times more the ones being sold in Manila.

So I just settled in buying a ticket (watching a gal friend) for Westside Story which is still this April, but the tickets are limited. It was quite a good deal. We got the cheapest but it was almost half of the cheapest tickets for BSB.

I started daydreaming a while ago on whose concerts I wouldn't want to miss, given the chance they would do a show here:

1. Maroon 5
2. Coldplay
3. N*Sync (wahahaha)
4. Aqualung
5. The Fray
6. Jimmy Eat World
7. Sarah McLachlan
8. Gary V (even if I've already watched him before)
9. Lifehouse
10. Death Cab for Cutie

I do hope a couple of them would do a show soon!

when the mood strikes

2006-01-16T16:08:00.000+08:00

[Background music: "This Year" by Chantal Kreviazuk]

I know I included in my resolutions for this year that I'll be less selfish. But it's tough, you know? There are just times that when someone pisses me off I become selfish towards him or her. And that's until I cool down. Then maybe I can work on being more selfless again.

It's so hard to discipline yourself. Especially when you have to deal with your relationship with others (a thing I suck at I think hehe).

I think there are a few things I have to learn this year.

allow me to gripe

2006-01-16T09:09:00.000+08:00

I was quite frustrated with my girl flatmate yesterday.

She was acting so childish and it was pissing me off.

I quite was glad she was out most of the morning, becuase of some church activities. But once she came back, she was irking me on and on.

I guess I can blame it on the newly installed cable television. Since there are more shows to watch now, I spend more time out in the living area, instead of being a hermit in my room.

So anyways, I was happy enough watching a Filipino show. (nothing like being an OFW to appreciate Filipino channels -- a slice of home hehe... but mind you, technically I'm not considered as an OFW by the Philippine government as I'm already a permanent resident here)

Then I suddenly heard her screaming and crying loudly in her room. Our other flatmate and her fiance, was in her room with her. Flashbacks of the other years passed my mind --- memories of them fighting, screaming at each other -- so I thought it was back to those days again.

So I shut out her sobs while I watched my show. Then the guy came out of the room and called me. He asked me if I can help. I was thinking, "Oh shit, now they want to bring me into this?"

Then I saw her lying on her bed crying.

And you know what was making her cry? A minute wound on her eyelid. So okay, it was bleeding a bit. My bruise last December was a hundred times bigger than that, with blood that seeped through my jeans. And I never cried. More of cursed for my being a klutz.

I tried to console her, telling her that ice was all she needed. (When my brain was screaming 'You dragged me out for this???')

So there, I left them after a while then returned to the living area.

An hour or so later they both come out. Everything was okay already I think. Then they prepared their dinner. They ate in front of the television. Then she started making comments about the Filipino actors and being sarcastic saying, "Ey, we're now part of being TFC subscribers!"

What's with all the comments? I was already shutting her voice out as I continued watching. What do I care what she thinks? First thing, it was only her fiance and I who wanted the friggin channel. We told her she didn't have to chip in for it. But she said, she might as well. Then now she makes comments?

Geez, a year or two more of bearing this.

i could be such a dork

2006-01-13T16:33:00.000+08:00

I was taking a tea break this afternoon, trying to answer a puzzle in a weekly free magazine, named I-S Magazine. It was the second time for me to try solving one, and I was quite successful the first time. If I remember right, I solved the first one at the midst of my boredom during my budget flight home.

But this second time, I couldn't quite seem to get it.

After approximately 15 minutes of answering it, I realized that the puzzle was flawed. Check it out:

When it clearly stated that each 3x3 box should contain the numbers 1 to 9 without any number appearing twice, NUMBER 8 APPEARS TWICE IN THE FRIGGIN 3x3 BOX I MARKED!

So there, I wasn't able to solve the puzzle.

In my frustration, I emailed the people behind the magazine. I just told them to be more aware so I can solve it again next time.

Yes, yes, I'm a number dork. So shoot me.

self-confessed shopaholic

2006-01-13T14:29:00.000+08:00

I only realized it when I got here. I spend an average of five to six days a week stepping into a mall, although sometimes just in transit (When I can very well avoid it!) I don't really splurge much. I don't buy branded items (unless they are electronics). In fact, I just tag myself as a bargain hunter.

Like I would research online what sales there would be for the coming weeks, see if there would be any expo coming up, and if I travel, shopping is one of the main criteria!

I find every reason to shop. Even if it's for someone else. Even if it's out of the way. Bring it on, baby!

reflections

2006-01-11T08:44:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a holiday. I spent the morning with an old friend, then for the afternoon it was my friend/housemate's birthday celebration. In between I had time for myself. Talking to my old friend I was explaining to her that I considered looking for other work, which had smaller-scale projects -- ones that I enjoy more. As my work now is just at most times boring, I have to admit. Or maybe it's just my wrong frame of mind. Oh I don't know.

But looking for such work would definitely mean longer working hours, a possibility of a more competitive atmosphere, or colleagues that I won't get along with. Of course the third reason doesn't have much bearing. I don't have to be buddies with all my colleagues. There should be at least a few I would like. It's the first two I'm worried about.

But then again, I haven't really checked out other opportunities.

The first lady who was sent to work for this company under the same contract left after the two-year contract. But she had a valid reason. She was getting married to someone based in Australia.

Sometimes I have that crazy idea or wish that I would find someone (or that someone would find me) who would just save me from these decisions.

The topic also came up during the birthday celebration wherein someone commented that we, at our current company, are so loyal. We reasoned that we're already used to the people and the system. That same person mentioned that there was an opening in Malaysia for a higher-paying, but less thought-intensive work. But my friend/housemate/colleague said, where would be the career growth there?

And that leads me to my question. I've always informed people that I'm not a career-oriented person. I don't find that it's a career that would define me. I prefer family, relationships. So does that give me an excuse to not really care where my career is going?

My work now is just a job. I consider it just a paycheck to finance my future goals. And for survival of course. My current job allows me to do sideline jobs, get to leave the office early (for most days), not work weekends or holidays too often. I've even thought some time ago that if all else fails and I still want to stay here, I can just go into marketing or some job that isn't 100% related to my degree that would offer me the same paycheck.

I guess this shows how I am really as a person. People could hate me for wasting such a good opportunity. I'm sorry for that. But can you blame me? Holler if you think there's a flaw in my way of thinking. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Reviews 4

2006-01-09T14:55:00.000+08:00

Let me go to my default topic whenever i absolutely have NOTHING to do. I can't believe I'm being paid for doing nothing. I was even pulled out from one of the projects since my two then-prenant colleagues who were also in the project have both given birth and can pick up from where they left off. Dunno if it's good for me. My boss would soon find out that I'm not doing anything. I COULD ask him for more work, but I know there's some competition project they'll be working on the next two weeks so I don't want to let them know I'm available!

So going back. Review time! After my holiday home (DVD marathon!) and a couple I watched during the past week, let me go through them:

MOVIE #1: Chicken Little

I actually found it quite pathetic. The only cute thing in it was the fish. Really. It was just a little over an hour. And the storyline wasn't so fantastic.

MOVIE #2 Sky High

Now this is much better. Quite a fun movie! And Steven Strait is a hottie! Compelled me to buy the DVD of his other movie, Undiscovered. When I first saw the posters for these movie, I was thinking, "What the heck? Where did this come from?" Then my sister recommended for me to get the DVD and I enjoyed it!

MOVIE #3 Undiscovered

I don't know if it's Ashlee Simpson's first movie, and I won't bother to research online, but I bought this cuz of Steven Strait. It's an okay movie. One of this Friday night movies.

MOVIE #4 In Her Shoes

A fun chick flick. Cameron Diaz is adorable. But I can't believe her sister is supposed to be the "fat one". Hello, if she's fat, what am I? But I guess anyone placed beside Cameron Diaz IS fat.

MOVIE #5 Elizabethtown

There's something about Kirsten Dunst that's so endearing. She's very plain looking, but she comes out in the movie so fresh and just so likeable. And Orlando Blooom is such a hottie! I was never really a fan of his during the Lord of the Rings days, but he's very adorable in this film. The movie gives me the same feeling as other Susan Sarandon movies -- Anywhere But Here, Banger Sisters (did I get the title right?). They're those learn-your-lessons type. A must watch cuz of the two lead roles.

MOVIE #6 The Perfect Score

I just saw this among my sisters' VCDs. Quite a cast -- Bryan Greenberg, Scarlett Johanssen, and Erika Christensen. Bryan Greenberg was still young but was already very cute! It's entertaining because of the forever-stoned Asian dude. A teeny version of Ocean's Eleven I guess.

MOVIE #7 Prime

Another fun movie. Bryan Greenberg and Uma Thurman make such a cute couple! I just love their getting-to-know you phase. Very romantic! Definitely the best phase for all relationships. A must-see I must say!

MOVIE #8 Spanglish

Paz Vega shines in this movie. A movie about motherhood indeed. And I didn't know Tea Leoni could be so funny! First time to see Adam Sandler not funny. A good film because of Paz Vega indeed.

MOVIE #9 If Only

I actually had high hopes for this movie. But it was still a good watch -- or better yet, a good cry. Jennifer Love Hewitt is still adorable. The guy is darn cute. It was more of what the guy did for her that makes the movie great. A must-see for guys who wanna win a girl's heart!

MOVIE #10 Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants

A nice movie. Made me wish I were so tight with my high school girl friends. Guess it just doesn't work for everyone. Another movie that tugs at your heartstrings. A girl bonding movie!

MOVIE #11 The Happy Campers

Another one I found among my sister's VCDs. Quite a stupid movie actually. But I was surprised to see Brad Renfo not so cute anymore.

MOVIE #12 Phantom of the Opera

Just found the DVD at home. Just nice listening to the lovely and timeless music once again!

BOOK #1 Sam's Letters for Jennifer

After reading Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas, I had to read this book. Thank goodness for a dicsount voucher from Borders, I invested in the book. It is the same melodrama as the previous novel. Written in James Patterson's simplistic ways, it comes out more heartfelt. The characters are very lovable. I read it in one sitting. Aside from it being relatively short, you just couldn't put it down. Or if you do you'll yearn to continue.

I didn't realize till now how much movies I watched over the past few weeks. To think I also watch one or two Korean and Filipino movies. Could have been more, but the other DVDs were defective. Sigh.

The Businesswoman in Me

2006-01-09T12:29:00.000+08:00

I blame it on growing up with parents who didn't have the usual 9 to 5 jobs. I treasured that they were always there, not having to wait till the evening to see them. Their careers were their kids, us, and their sidelines were the small businesses that they had.

And somehow I picked up from my dad the business-mindedness. As early as gradeschool I was selling different stuff to my classmates -- chocolates, cards, perfumes... anythign worth selling. There are even some stuff I would rather not mention. Hahaha.

My ultimate goal for myself is to free myself from the 9 to 5 (in our case, 8 to 6, or 8 to whatever) career life and have the flexible time to tend to things that matter more -- family, friends, myself.

This I'll work on.

dreaming...

2006-01-09T12:03:00.000+08:00

Since I haven't done anything remotely related to work for the past 3 and a half hours (no kidding). I was daydreaming about different things, one of them having my own property. And I realized that I would need to work for more than ten years to achieve that. Actually much more then that. It would just be too depressing to say the actual number of years. But of course that's if I remain single and depend on my own earnings.

Cuz I'm not just talking about a lot. I'm talking about a lot with a creation of mine to be constructed on it.

Sigh.

I could just dream right now.

and to top it off...

2006-01-05T17:56:00.000+08:00

Mmy colleague (superior to me) had me write an email to the authorities. Okay, fine, I've done that before. So okay. As if I had a choice.

Then just now, I guess after she read what I sent, she told me that next time I send an email out to the authorities, I should send her a draft first. She was polite about it, unlike her usual scolding ways, but nevertheless I felt bad. I haven't been doing anything right these past few days. Sigh.

I just have these tendencies sometimes that I feel like I'm worthless. I guess I'm being too hard on myself. I guess everyone makes mistakes. But my friend/ colleague once said that the company should be lucky to have all of us who are in the same program (There are six of us now. Should have been seven but she left after a couple of years. ). There's actually another Filipino in the office, a few months so far. But supposedly ten years of experience but he's been fouling up since he started. I don't know how or what. But his superior keeps on scolding and screaming at him. I really feel for him. I haven't been screamed at (just an almost-scream hehe) but as my friend/colleague said, the office must be seeing the difference between him and us who are part of the program, since SUPPOSEDLY we are one or two of the better ones of the graduating batch. Which maybe true. Maybe. We're pretty fast learners I guess.

But sometimes I wonder, am I really qualified? There are still so much stuff that I haven't picked up yet. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a glorified secretary. I am, anyways, just an architectural assistant. But as my boss told me, forget that title. We're all equal, according to him. Yeah, right.

I just hope this is just some quarter-life crisis thingie.

eeekkk!

2006-01-05T17:03:00.000+08:00

I was quite stressed today when I found out my sister couldn't find an available lodging for our Bangkok-Phuket trip. When it's just a few weeks away! I've been pestering her for months now to book but she said it was too early. I tried calling an agent while I was home, but the girl said I'd have to wait till first week of January. They're a friggin travel agency! Don't they know Asian hotels get booked over Chinese New Year?!?

So I've made a few reservations online, will find out tomorrow if any is confirmed. Don't know how much it would cost me.

But I have a few last, last-last, last-last-last resorts, if I won't be able to find lodging:

1. For Bangkok, just go there and backpack around finding available accommodations. My colleague advised me to do this. He said I'd even get it cheaper. Good thing I'll be arriving at Bangkok a day before the rest (namely, my mom, dad and sister)

2. Also for bangkok, have my whole troup bunk in with the parents of my friend (also my sister's friend) who are based there. We have to be thick-skinned to do this hehe.

3. For both Bangkok and Phuket, my sister and I can hook up with gorgeous guys (VJ Utt look-alikes?) and bunk in with them. Hahaha.

4. For Phuket, just tent along the beach. If possible.

So there, in my moments of stress I came out with this list. I do hope everything works out just fine!

my song for the moment :)

2006-01-04T11:53:00.000+08:00

Where Are You (Justin Roman and Natalie)

[Justin]
(I know you are out there baby...somewhere)
There is someone out there for me
(I know there is somebody out there)
I know she is waiting so patiently (yeah)
can you tell me her name?
(Somebody tell me her name)
This life-long search is gonna drive me insane

How does she laugh?
How does she cry?
What's the color of her eyes?
Does she even realize I'm here?
Where is she? Where is she? Where is she?
Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she? Who is she?
Who is gonna complete my world?
Where is she? Where is she?
Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she? Who is she?
Who is gonna complete my world?

dadadadadada dadadada dadadadadada
(where are you?)

[Natalie]
I'm staring out at the sky (I see you baby)
Praying that he will walk in my life
Where is the man of my dreams (right here)
yea-yeah
I'll wait forever, how silly it seems

How does he laugh?
How does he cry?
What's the color of his eyes?
Does he even realize I'm here?
Where is he? Where is he? Where is he?
Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he? Who is he?
Who is gonna take me so high?
Where is he? Where is he?
Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he? Who is he?
Who is gonna take me so high?

dadadadadada dadadada dadadadadada
(where are you?)

[Justin]
There is someone out there for me
(there is someone out there for me)
I know she is waiting so patiently (so patient)
Can you tell me her name
(can you tell me his name)
This life-long search is gonna drive me insane
(that's right)

[Natalie]
How does he laugh?
How does he cry?
What is the color of his eyes?
Does he even realize I'm here?

[Justin]
Where is she? Where is she? Where is she?
Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she? Who is she?
Who is gonna complete my world?

[Natalie]
Where is he? Where is he? Where is he?
Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he? Who is he?
Who is gonna take me so high?

[Together]
dadadadadada dadadada
(yeah) dadadadadada
(I know you out there)
dadadadadada dadadada
(yeah) dadadadadada

[Justin Talking]
Where are you??
I'm going to look all over the world baby
'Cuz I know you are out there
I know this might sound crazy,
but I think I love you
dadadadadada (that's right)
dadadada
dadadadadadadadadadadada
dadadada
(yeah) dadadadadada

Where are you??

over the holidays...

2006-01-04T09:24:00.000+08:00

NOTE: This entry was written over the past few days.Starting from my flight back to Singapore, and a little in my apartment for the past two days.

I don’t know why I didn’t think of this during my flight home. I was bored stiff then, not usually being able to sleep during my flights. But thank God for technology. Technology makes flying budget airlines much more tolerable. After this, I have several movies stored in my hard disk to choose from.

Anyways, more than three weeks have passed since I last wrote in my blog. I should blame it on the terribly slow dial-up internet back home. It’s tough once you get used to high-speed unlimited internet. So I’ll warn you that this entry might not be coherent. Somehow it’s hard compressing three weeks into one blog entry.

I was home for the Christmas break. And more. It was a little over three weeks. I know I won’t be able to take such a long leave again. It took discipline not to take any other leave during the year, making do with medical leaves and taking advantage of special leave to not use up my annual leave. It does pay to accumulate all your leaves in one go. I remember reading in one Singapore daily an article wherein the author was justifying why he chose to use up all his leaves during the end of the year, even if it meant he would be missing his family. I remember he mentioned that he treasures the holiday mornings that he wakes up with his kids. That was how I felt. Those days I was woken up by the cry or the laugh of my nephew. Waking up to breakfast that you didn’t even think of preparing. Just ready for you to feast on it. Not having to think about chores.

Some of my friends have observed (something I knew about myself for months now ) that I’m not used to going out, that I would rather stay home. And that’s what I did most of my time. Imagine that, more or less three weeks, but I just went out with friends, like what, 5 or 6 times? I don’t regret not going out more. I had my share of it. I saw the vital people. That’s what matters. I also suddenly just gave up on the idea to have friends introduce me to their guy friends. I thought it’s better not. What if I meet someone interesting? Wouldn’t that make leaving home harder? So better not knowing them for now. I’m still a believer of destiny.

Just to give a lowdown of my vacation, It seemed like I never got tired of shopping in Singapore as I went from Makati, Market Market, Megamall, Galleria, Araneta Center, and even to Robinsons Metro East and 168 in Divisoria! Imagine that! I don’t think I bought that much though. I guess sometimes the Christmas rush just dampens your feel for shopping due to the hassle of traffic and cramped malls. I was able to go to several ukay-ukay stores though and managed to find great bargains!

I went out with several groups of friends, The only regret was not seeing a couple of my high school friends who were also home for the holidays. Oh well, I always blame it on Boracay since they keep on spending most of their vacation there. It also doesn’t help that transportation is still my problem. If only public transport in Manila was as convenient and safe as in Singapore.

One thing I noticed was that I survived those three weeks with just checking my email or let alone logging into the internet just a few times. Not like here wherein I feel something’s lacking if a day passed without my checking. Goes to show that my internet addiction is relative to homesickness maybe? Most likely.

Then another observation was that Singapore commercialism is slowly entering the Philippine market. In food I was surprised to see Fish & Co. (but I've been told beforehand already) and Nan Ban Tei, both in Greenbelt. Then there's the Kopi Roti which is most probably of Singapore/ Malaysia decent, aside from the passe Bread Talk. With clothes, gosh it's come in bulk! For shoes there's Charles & Keith (been a while now), Pretty Fit, VNC and URS. For clothes there's iora, yin & yang, and the internation brands which just entered manila after I saw them in Singapore -- Dorothy Perkins and Zara. It's just a bit weird seeing all these in the philippine malls. Oh well, I guess it would make it easier for me to adjust from one to another.

resolutions

2006-01-03T15:08:00.000+08:00

I know it's been a while since a while since I last wrote in my dear ol' blog (relative to my usual rate, haha). But flying home for the holidays and all, and the terribly slow dial-up internet connection back home, I just wasn't able to write an entry. I have a half done one in my laptop though, which I started in the plane, during my trip back here in SG. I'll just post it another day. It's more or less just a lowdown of my holiday.

Anyways, going back to my entry title.

Yup, yup, here I am again with my resolutions for this year. I do hope I get to follow them!

1. Practise a more healthy lifestyle. Take note, I didn't write "diet". I want it to be more long-term than my past diets. So far, I've been very good since the 31st of December. So I'm hoping since I didn't eat much during the first day of the year, the rest would be good. I'll cross my fingers!

2. Be more honest. A bit vague, but I'll work on this.

3. Travel more. Starting the end of this month. Instead of flying home (a bit too early to fly home again anyways) I'll be flying to Bangkok and Phuket. I've booked my tickets. My folks and sis will follow suit. Hopefully everything goes well!

4. Be more generous. Be less of a stickler.

5. Be more disciplined when it comes to shopping.

6. Be more organized.

7. Find more rakets. (haha)

8. Keep it touch more with my friends.

9. Be more serious about putting up a business (or more), hopefully by the end of this year.

10. Be more sociable. I know, with us signing up for Cable TV and unlimited internet I'll be doomed. But I'll make some more effort to go out.

There. That sounds like a good list. Let me see which ones I'll be faithful to!

surreal

2005-12-07T12:30:00.000+08:00

I can't believe that at this time tomorrow I'll be with my family again. After more than five months. Maybe it doesn't seem that long to anyone else. But it seems long if you consider that I wasn't there to see my nephew's first steps, that I wasn't there for three birthdays.

But then, at least I have this chance to make up for lost time :)

I'll be home soon... woohoo!

gripes

2005-12-06T11:52:00.000+08:00

Yesterday after work, I booked my flight for Chinese New Year for Bangkok and Phuket. I was thinking yesterday that it was exactly two months till my scheduled flight from Phuket to Singapore. So near yet so far.

I just keep on dreaming about vacations now. Now when I don't feel too well. Maybe I've been working myself too much these past few days with everything going on. But I'm sure once our plane touches down on the NAIA runway, I would forget all tiredness and weakness.

I was ranting with my colleague this morning (the colleague -- let's call him Batman -- who has asked me out already a couple of times but I always have a reason not to make it -- true and valid ones) that I was getting all the complaints regarding our office annual dinner. Some old ladies didn't like the food. They said it wasn't worth the price. Then our office messenger said it wasn't his scope to pick up the remaining bottles of wine at the hotel. (When my superior said I can have the messengers pick them up but I don't want to push the issue anymore.) So I have the burden of picking them up tomorrow. But the same colleague, Batman, volunteered to come with me. Oh well, we would just be keeping a couple of bottles for our own consumption. Serves them right for making us pick them up ourselves.

I guess I'm being such a brat now. I'm just being restless and excited about flying home after more than five months.

And one of my clients, after informing her that I would be in leave starting Thursday, wished me a good holiday and a merry christmas. How sweet. I honestly don't know why my bitchy colleague doesn't like her. When we need more people like her -- sweet and kind -- to brighten your day.

and we're down to three

2005-12-05T14:42:00.000+08:00

These past few days have been so hectic. I'm just scared that I'll get sick when I fly home. So tiring, really. I had to juggle work, co-organizing our office annual dinner which was last Friday, co-organizing our alumni Christmas party which was yesterday, moving apartments, and doing last minute errands before flying home.

Phew.

And I inserted watching Rent, the musical Saturday afternoon. Which I don't regret at all. Karen Mok's voice was a slight turn-off though. Good thing she's a fine actress and dancer that it made up for it.

The annual dinner was a success if I may say so. More or less everyone dressed up. Reminiscing the 80's and 90's cartoons. I didn't win the top prizes like the ipods or the dvd recorders, but I won a jewellery voucher. Good enough I guess.

Then the alumni Christmas party. It was also fun. Good food. Getting to know more people. Gained a new friend or two. (One guy I met there -- I'm 98% sure he's gay -- has been texting and emailing me. I do hope he's gay cuz I would love to have a gay buddy. If he's actually one of those gays who are in denial. Uh-oh.)

Then my friend who knows my flower-sender told me that Mr. Flower has a hard time communicating with me (which has only been through text!) because he runs out of English. Puh-lease! When did I become Ms. English? I always texted him back with Taglish. Geez. Am I that intimidating?

Oh well, this is just the start of the week. This day's about to end. Two more days of piled up work than it's home sweet home!

things happening behind your back

2005-11-30T16:48:00.000+08:00

I attended a lunch meeting/ seminar today that's why I wasn't able to lunch with my co-committee members for our annual dinner and dance.

When they came back from lunch, two of the guys started crowding me. One guy was telling me that there should be something I should know, while the other was telling me not to believe what the other guy is saying.

Okay, before you get confused. Let's call Guy Number One as Ted, while Guy Number Two is Carl. Ted sits across from me in our office setup while Carl is just a guy who is active in the committee, and has semi-asked me out before. Physically, both of them are lanky, probably around 6 feet tall.

Then I'll introduce another character.Let's call her Anna. She's the office bombshell, having been drunk in two different office gatherings, cosmetically-enhanced-looking assets, and a bearing of what I find as typical among those who grew up in the West.

So going back to my story. Carl was telling me that while they were walking to lunch someone commented that many of the guys in our office have the same frame -- lanky. I can think of four guys that fit that description. Then, apparently, Carl commented to Anna, who was there with them that she had a certain built. But the way Ted relayed it to me, he said that both Anna and I had big builts unlike most Singaporean women (Anna's Singaporean!)

Fat, big built, gifted -- I really don't know what he meant but he later sent out a sticky note (like pop mail) to us involved. Except for the names I didn't edit anything else. So whatever grammatical error there is, it ain't mine!

Well well, I've spent the last fifteen minutes trying to write this sticky note and hoping to make it sound right but I still have this feeling that whatever I say I'm just gonna be chop suey when ____ (insert my name) and Anna comes onto stage for the final opening scene. Hmmmm….Lucky me huh? Pounded bat soup then.

But yesssssssssss, truthfully and honestly I have to say that tall women who I might add, having a big-built are rare in Singapore and I think they should be complimented here and there once in a while. But well that's what I feel anyway. Wouldn't you say? But unlike my sis who's tall and slim, she's always on a diet and stuff. It's strange I find sometimes that most local women are in fact tall...and sadly thin.

Correct me if I am wrong here but is it a fashion thing?

But I think confidence is the way to go and I think ____ (insert my name) and Anna exudes that sort of personality and characteristic each and everyday and with that aura of a 'never-say-die' attitude. A go-getter actually...
Okay there...I've said it. Can I go now?

Anyway Spongebob's dead so shoot me if I'm not making sense here....I’m in tears already. Sob, sob.
Please reply…somebody, anybody? Hello?

So there. Maybe you might get confused with the context of his sticky note but it revolves around our dinner and dance theme (It's cartoon).

Well all I can say is boys will be boys. I have no one but myself to please with the way I look :)

getting sentimental like a pregnant woman

2005-11-28T15:05:00.000+08:00

This weekend was pretty busy for me. At least I was able to lengthen it a bit by getting medical leave for myself Friday afternoon (Yeah, yeah, I exaggerated a bit. But I was feeling lazy hehe). So instead of supposedly resting, I did some shopping for our annual dinner which is this Friday. I just hope our finance person doesn't check the time the items were purchased haha.

But while getting some stuff for our office, I ended up eyeing a dress that I didn't need. But it was just so pretty! And it fit perfectly on me! (despite the fact I have already stopped my diet) And it was reasonably priced for such dress in Singapore standards! I had to have it! But I'm proud of myself as I exercised discipline by not buying it immediately. I went home to think about it, consulted with my friends, my mom and my sister. And they all actually pushed me to buy it! (Talking about laying the blame on others! hehehe) But still, discipline. I said if I really missed it I'll buy it Sunday.

Saturday evening, after an afternoon of more shopping, I met up with friends, old and new. My high school friend pointed out that the Christmas decors make her homesick. Which I could relate with. Nothing like Christmas to make you miss your family and friends. So note to self: never spend Christmas away from your loved ones. Even if it means taking unpaid leave.

So what did I accomplish from going out with my friends and meeting their friends? The urge to watch Rent: The Musical. It just opened during the weekend. So the next morning I texted a colleague of mine. Luckily (or not?) she also wanted to watch it and was looking for someone to watch it with. Bingo! So that's another last-minute expense. Oh well, I'm sure I'm going to enjoy it anyway. Original Broadway case except for Karen Mok. Wow. It should be quite something!

Sunday morning, more shopping. My sister suddenly had me buy a digital camera for her. Then I finally bought the dress. Yes, I'm still happy buying it. I can't wait for my mom and sister to see it. I've only sent an mms of it hehe. Good thing the shoes I bought a few weeks ago match it quite well.

Sunday afternoon was mostly chores. I started packing my stuff for our move. Then while watching the opening fo the SEA Games in Manila, I was creating my costume for our annual dinner. I'm also quite excited for my costume! It turned out better than I expected. But back to the SEA Games. It was a bit sentimental for me watching it from a foreign country. I was a tad proud of my homeland though. I know there were some issues in the preparations but I think it turned out okay. I actually got a bit teary eyed when I saw Akiko Thomson getting teary eyed. I enjoyed the show of Rivermaya. Hated it when they cut for comemrcial during "Ulan" though. Stupid timing. But I'm so glad I'll be flying home soon.

As I was telling my friend, if only I can fly home for Christmas this early every year. Maybe, I could eh?

Oh, if you might be wondering about that guy who sent me flowers. He's an odd one. If his actions show his interest in me, I think it lived just as long as the life of the pretty flowers he sent me. He asked me out for dinner Friday night. I compromised by inviting him to join me and my friends. Then he backs out! Geez, he was the one who asked me out in the first place! Then since then he hasn't contacted me. Did I just scare him away? Thank goodness I'm not really interested in him. So all I can say is, "Tough luck for him."

far from being gilmore girls

2005-11-24T17:31:00.000+08:00

I was chatting with a friend last night, and I was telling her about my mom's reaction regarding the guy who's been texting me and sent me flowers. She was quite surprised that I could talk to my mom about such things.

I was also quite surprised that I told my mom. I was a bit hesitant texting her when I got the flowers. But it was okay. She even had funny advice like "Don't be too harsh on him," and "If you don't like him just bring the flowers to church," haha.

My mom and I are far from being the Gilmore Girls. I think I gave her hell during my high school days when I mislead them on who I was going out with and where etc. There is a lot they don't know about the things I did during high school. And as for college, she had no idea that I was dating this guy and so and so was courting me, etc.

As I told my friend, if I were in Manila now I wouldn't be that open to her. There's something about being away from home that I actually take the initiative to tell them what's up with me. Funny how things turned out. But it doesn't mean that I tell them anything. They don't know about the guy I see once in a while for a "platonic" date, and they don't know bout my experiences of married men hitting on me and my stalker-turned-client from my condominium block. Hahaha.

But yeah, maybe it's a step forward that I'm beginning to be more open to her. Maybe I'm becoming more mature huh? And that they trust me more now. :)

reminder for myself

2005-11-23T16:29:00.000+08:00

I don't know if it's just me. I have had friends wherein I feel like I care for them more than they seem to care for me. Maybe it's the paranoia in me. Or the selfishness. Or I don't know.

So the reminder for me is not to feel this way when I do have a boyfriend, and in the far far future of having a husband. I don't want to be a martyr.

it's tough for guys

2005-11-22T11:02:00.000+08:00

I received my first bouquet of roses here in Singapore. I have received flowers before in Manila but if I remember right they were just from the guys who took me to their prom or grad ball.

He had it delivered to to my office. Dunno if that was why he asked about the address of my office.

Our office receptionist even read the card before calling me. Our office cleaning lady tried to look for a vase but the bouquet wouldn't fit. So right now it's actually in an empty dust bin. Hahaha.

They're beautiful flowers (with a rather cheezy greeting in the card). Half a dozen of pink and white roses. I know flowers cost a lot here. I'm truly flattered. Of course I wish it came from someone else, but I'm being unfair to the sender. It's just quite surprising since I hardly know the guy, he hardly knows me. I don't even know his surname! He hasn't made a good impression yet. But as my colleague teased me, "Interest can be cultivated."

I really don't know.

That's why I was telling my cousin that it's tough for guys. If the flowers came from someone who seemed more interesting to me I would have been swooning by now. But I'm not. My two male colleagues are even playfully bidding on it to give to their wife or girlfriend. And for a second I even considered taking up on the offer! Hahaha.

I'm so mean really. I know his intentions may be good. I guess it shouldn't be so bad trying to get to know him better.

stressing over the remaining days

2005-11-21T16:56:00.000+08:00

Just a countdown. It's technically ten days till we move apartment (could be earlier or later by a couple of days) It's eleven days till our office annual dinner. It's seventeen days till I fly home.

I haven't started packing for our move. I haven't made my costume for the annual dinner. I haven't bought all the prizes for our lucky draw. The office hasn't reimbursed me for some of the prizes, darn them. I haven't started fixing the stuff I'm bringing home when I fly. And I have to clean my room and bathroom. Ugh.

So much to do, so little time. Of course I also want to meet up with friends before I fly home. I also want to do some personal shopping for my Christmas gifts, pasalubong and for myself too. I'm kind of thankful my client and contractor aren't replying yet to my emails so I don't really have any reason to work further on my project.

I just want all these to be over and be home with my family. So near yet so far.

It's raining men!

2005-11-18T10:39:00.000+08:00

Unfortunately, not for me. But with the race for the integrated resorts is on, a bunch of foreigners (developers, consultants) come to our office for meetings and what not.

Foreigner testosterone.... hmmm....

i'm forgettable

2005-11-18T10:07:00.000+08:00

I've experienced quite a number all times already wherein I remember meeting someone but they don't remember meeting me. Has happened again last night. I've met this couple a few months ago. If I'm not mistaken the guy remembers me, or he saounded like it last night. But the girl when we were saying our goodbyes, she said, "Nice to meet you."

Either I have a better memory than they do or I am just very forgettable.Which is fine with me, because there are times that I want to keep a low profile. But I hope that when it matters people would remember me. Maybe I should work on being more amiable or something. But then again, why shouldn't I be happy just being myself? Their loss they can't remember me. Hmph.

office hierarchy

2005-11-17T09:48:00.000+08:00

Our department (architectural) is pretty much divided into the architects and the technical (read: the draftsmen). So basically, during design development, the architects work on the drawings, then the technical people help in for submissions and working drawings.

But it sucks when what happens to me -- architectural assistant ol' me -- is that I don't have the power to request fo help from the technical. If for the same project and work I ask for help from the technical director, they say the technical staff are busy. But when my superior asks them for the same thing they race around to find help.

Aaaaahhhh.... so I end up doing work that's supposed to be done by technical staff. I guess I can't complain since I sometimes do a technical staff's work for an architect's paycheck. But still... it feels degrading sometimes. But oh well, that's the corporate world. Hierarchy will always be there. And I will just have to live with it.